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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Belief Moderators: bert
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Colkurtz8
Posted: December 30th, 2017, 9:19am Report to Moderator
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Richard

This didn’t make much sense to me. Perhaps, it would if I was American, i don’t know. Is it a commentary, at the extreme end of the spectrum, on skewed modern values, primarily liberal ones? Are you saying Communism is on the rise again? If so, I don’t really see it, in real life that is. If not, then I’d be interested to know your intentions.

Other than that, It feel like it’s the start of a bigger piece. At present, it seems to end just as its beginning.

Col.


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AustinT
Posted: March 3rd, 2018, 9:35pm Report to Moderator
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Incredibly interesting subject to tackle. I commend you for that.

However, something that doesn't sit well for me is the ambiguous ending. From the way you wrote it, I wasn't sure how to feel about Finn's decision to go seek out supporters of capitalism. Mainly because you shadowed the supposed Capitalists in such mystery that they felt threatening. Almost evil. It didn't seem to me to be a happy ending.

BUT, because of how unlikable you made her roommate, it's set up that we as the audience should support Finn's end decision, yet because of just the way you presented the faceless Capitalists, I found that decision to not be a happy one.

Because of not really understanding why Finn's end decision is good or bad, I'm not really sure what to take away from this. My best guess, and this is also factoring in most of the comments on the discussion board, is that Capitalism is the right thing to do?

And this has nothing to do with my political beliefs or yours but I'm just not quite sure what you are trying to say. I fell like we need to see Finn's life with the Capitalist to show a poignant contrast between that and her roommate life with Carl. Whether it's a good or bad experience, for the sake of storytelling and clarity, I personally would love to see just another scene that touches on that.

Because, again, right now, from the way I read it, it seems that neither social construct is the answer.

Overall, it was a fine read, the characters where fun, Carl is a butt hole and the dialogue was snappy.

Keep up the good work.

Happy Writing!
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