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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Dick Jokes Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: March 25th, 2016, 11:22am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Dick Jokes by Cameron Gray - Short, Comedy, Drama - A stand up comedian discusses the male sex and their urges, whilst going through a very personal journey. 10 pages - pdf, format


Visit http://www.simplyscripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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CameronD
Posted: March 25th, 2016, 11:36am Report to Moderator
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Great name lol


http://www.TheFilmBox.org Movie reviews, news, and fun!
http://www.screenplaywritenow.com Write a screenplay. Write. Now.
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Cam Gray
Posted: March 25th, 2016, 3:07pm Report to Moderator
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Cheers Cam! Just trying desperately to get near "Don't Mess With Floppytits", that's got to be the title of the year so far


Tommy's Millions - https://tinyurl.com/lgugbvz
Dick Jokes - http://tiny.cc/qw0cay
Mother Nature's Joke - https://tinyurl.com/mncf7am
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Hunter
Posted: April 4th, 2016, 8:27pm Report to Moderator
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This was great! I loved it. I like how the jokes came out of the comedian's life, but he wasn't telling a story. It wasn't the usual voice-over story, it was a joke, and then showing how the joke related to his actual life, and how these bits of his actual life all connected. Also, some really great funny parts.


I would love feedback on any of these!
Back to Class: http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1453330945/ (comedy series, RECENTLY UPDATED DEC. '16)
Cause & Effect: http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1472594865/ (comedy-drama series)
Waking Up: http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1452376264/ (comedy series)
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Dustin
Posted: April 5th, 2016, 2:18am Report to Moderator
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A lot of story for 10 pages... which is a good thing. Well written, paced just right. Very enjoyable. I hope that it gets produced.
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Cam Gray
Posted: April 5th, 2016, 4:48am Report to Moderator
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Wow, Dustin and Hunter, cheers for the compliments lads. I was worried I'd missed the mark as have never done a comedy before, but really glad you enjoyed it.

Hunter, re the life stuff. Basically the idea came around the fact a lot of comedians hide their life on stage in their work (like Billy Connely with his dad for example), thought it might be fun to try it out.

Seriously though cheers for the read, got anything you want me to go over let me know

Cam

P.S. coincidently the missus actually had a real baby today, bit mad!!


Tommy's Millions - https://tinyurl.com/lgugbvz
Dick Jokes - http://tiny.cc/qw0cay
Mother Nature's Joke - https://tinyurl.com/mncf7am
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Dustin
Posted: April 5th, 2016, 8:10am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Cam Gray


P.S. coincidently the missus actually had a real baby today, bit mad!!


Just had a baby girl ourselves. A week old today. So, I fully understand the pain you are about to go through with sleepless nights.
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alffy
Posted: April 5th, 2016, 11:08am Report to Moderator
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Anyone with Swiss Toni as their avatar deserves a read in my opinion lol.

Noticed a typo on page 3.  You're missing a word I think? Redmond says 'I hadn't got the dick bit yet', think it's missing 'to'?

Well a few of the American football jokes were lost on me but you and I can't help that lol.

It's a great way to tell a romantic story and it came out very well, Cameron.

I hear congratulations are in order too   Wait till the terrible 2's kick in though


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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cbead
Posted: April 5th, 2016, 11:32am Report to Moderator
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Hi Cameron,

Congrats on the bub! (and Dustin, congrats also on your bub).

This was a very engrossing short and some funny lines, good banter, quite realistic stand up scenes... and intercut with an amusing romantic story. Cool job.


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Hunter
Posted: April 5th, 2016, 2:52pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Cam Gray

Seriously though cheers for the read, got anything you want me to go over let me know


Well I'd love it if you read my comedy series pilot "Back to Class". I don't expect you to read the whole thing if you don't want to, as it is 36 pages and this was 10, but I'd love it if you read any amount of it.

The link is: http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1453330945/


I would love feedback on any of these!
Back to Class: http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1453330945/ (comedy series, RECENTLY UPDATED DEC. '16)
Cause & Effect: http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1472594865/ (comedy-drama series)
Waking Up: http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1452376264/ (comedy series)
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irish eyes
Posted: April 5th, 2016, 7:38pm Report to Moderator
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A pretty good read, and some funny lines with a nice back and forth between his real life and his stand up routine.


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Cam Gray
Posted: April 6th, 2016, 5:01am Report to Moderator
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Congrats Dustin! The whole thing is mental, cheers for somehow finding the time for a read.

Alffy, cheers mate and good typo spot, got a terrible 2 year old too, he's in as much shock as we are I think. Got to level with you, I'm Scottish so don't really have a clue about NFL, had to research it all. From what I can tell though Namath is Alan Shearer, and Brister is Paul Dalglish, hope that helps. Also thank god someone else loves Swiss! As he'd put it "writing a script is much like making love to a beautiful woman - insert comedy genius here - insert laughter here".

Cbead,  cheers for the read mate, hope the weather's still nice and toasty up there for you in QLD, Melbourne's bloody freezing.

Hunter, I'm on it, shall squeeze it in between the parental duties and get back to you.

Irish Eyes, cheers mate. Hope the NFL stuff read well too and I didn't screw that bit up


Tommy's Millions - https://tinyurl.com/lgugbvz
Dick Jokes - http://tiny.cc/qw0cay
Mother Nature's Joke - https://tinyurl.com/mncf7am
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cbead
Posted: April 6th, 2016, 8:12am Report to Moderator
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Hey Cameron

Still nice and warm here mate!

I saw you were from Melbourne, but thought, given your subject piece and knowledge of NFL / Baltimore Stand Up scene, that you may have been from a Melbourne somewhere in the USA!!  So it was certainly credible to me.

I resided 2 years in Melbourne about 12ish years ago... I learnt my lesson and scurried back to Queensland.


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alffy
Posted: April 7th, 2016, 1:51pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Cam Gray

From what I can tell though Namath is Alan Shearer, and Brister is Paul Dalglish, hope that helps.



lol, quality, mate.  This had me in stitches.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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cloroxmartini
Posted: April 7th, 2016, 2:34pm Report to Moderator
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I quickly skipped over the "comedy" routine (which didn't hook me or make me laugh) and went to the Angela story line. Far more interesting. I liked the part where he pitched Angela's cig over the rail and she got pissed. The whole relationship seemed natural.
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