Quoted from SAC No, the ritual is not related to the circumstances of his death, rather it is Steve's yearly attempt to bring his wife back to reality and the real world. Steve possesses this power to make Bryn see her son though he isn't really there, much the same he made the receptionist she was speaking to Mickey Mouse on the phone.

Wow, I totally missed this. Thought the woman at the reception desk wasn't really the receptionist but a patient (hence the Mickey Mouse thing). I didn't even realize that Steve actually possessed this kind of power. My impression was that his wife was having hallucinations in general (because of her mental state) and just needed his help to have this particular hallucination. Sorry, I misread the whole thing.

I'll get to this as soon as I've woken up a little bit. No good reading stuff when my brain is mush.

Manolis,

No worries. I touched up certain areas to try and make it clear about Steve's powers. There were several hints before and after the appearance of their child that allude to that, as well as the logline. It was a big concern of mine actually. Curious if other folks had the same issues.  

Dustin,

No hurry. Just your standard dramatic fare from me.

Steven,

Great script. I thought the twist at the end was fantastic. I like the psychological thriller aspect to the story(Though thriller might not be the best choice of words).

The character interactions were great, and so was the dialogue. I love good dialogue in scripts and yours was very nice. The line that stuck out to me was when BRYN said "It doesn't feel like Christmas." Steve asked her what it felt like to which she replied "Like...dark glasses I can't take off." Great line.  Keep up the good work.

Matthew Lincoln

P.S. I'd like it if you could give me some feedback on my short called "The Courier". Thanks.

Steven,

I just read your comment about a minute after I posted mine...WOW! I didn't realize that Steve had powers. How did he get those abilities?

Matthew Lincoln

Matthew,

Thanks for reading. The dark sunglasses line I ripped off from myself. I had a situation occur many years ago where I felt like, for months, I was wearing dark glasses. Basically meaning I was finding it a bit hard to live and find enjoyment due to my circumstances. Seemed to fit here.

I didn't find it necessary to explain Steve's abilities. That being said, only a line of dialogue could give some clarity to that if anyone finds its an issue I need to tackle. I'm not sure, but it might.

Thanks for the feedback. I'll check out your short soon!

Steve

The magic element of this story lets it down... but then, I always feel that way about magic in stories. It's just too easy. However, it isn't just that. The use of magic isn't precisely clear in this story. The mention of Mickey Mouse serves to confuse rather than clarify. The viewer only knows it is Mickey Mouse because the Receptionist says so. We never get to actually hear Mickey on the other end. Plus, Mickey Mouse is an oft used joke name, so the viewer could simply assume she knows the person on the other end of the line and she's playing along. I also don't believe that a line of dialogue can cure this problem. The viewer would need to see the magic and understand the type of magic it is.

This is a very well written story, but the magic aspect needs clarifying properly.

Hope this helps, mate.

Dustin,

I see what you're saying. Some peeps did get it, some not. I've been accused of being vague before. Bryn's use of the word magic is more like her own term for Steve's abilities, much like Charlie's father in Firestarter, who had an ability he called "the push." Same kinda thing here. I think a line or two or dialogue can explain more about this power. I mean, I think I literally spelled it out with him lighting the village, lighting the Christmas tree, the record player turning on -- all by themselves. I'm not sure if people picked up on all that -- a few seemed to think Bryn was hallucinating, but at that point in the story there was no reason to believe she was. So, maybe it's just an interpretation thing.

In regard the village, I remember seeing it as a a model (miniature) village and it wouldn't be a problem at all to have it touch sensitive. I have lamps that you only need touch the base to turn them on. Tap the base again and the light goes brighter, tap it three times and the light goes off.

The record turning on clip has been done before. I assumed a hand was guiding it.

In regard the xmas tree, I assumed the wife had turned it on.

Unless there is some visual aspect applied to each magical moment, the viewer will not get it. Even if the protag looks at these things and concentrates on them for a while, it would give the viewer a visual clue. If you attempt this in dialogue then it will come across as exposition and be obvious.

Fair enough.

There is nothing to suggest that any one these items were physically turned on, except maybe the village although I think it being touch sensitive is a stretch. And I wanted to avoid cliche, that's why Steve didn't give an "I Dream Of Jeanie" nod, or use his hand like a magic wand.

Quoted from SAC There is nothing to suggest that any one these items were physically turned on, except maybe the village although I think it being touch sensitive is a stretch.

There also isn't anything to suggest that they were turned on by magic... so naturally one will look for logical explanations.  The village church was touched and then the lights came on... perfectly reasonable to believe that a man with the time to build a model village in meticulous detail would invest in something like touch technology, which is very cheap these days. Not like it's top of the range technology. It's pretty standard these days.

Quoted Text And I wanted to avoid cliche, that's why Steve didn't give an "I Dream Of Jeanie" nod, or use his hand like a magic wand.

So you avoid showing that it is him altogether. Not a good idea. It's up to you, a director would figure something out anyway, perhaps some special effects.. but there has to be an indicator, else the viewer will have no idea how these things have happened. I always look for logical explanations, I'm not the type to hear a bang and assume it's a ghost. So, perhaps it is down to interpretation after all.