Some Things Last A Long Time by Ben Clifford - Short, Drama - Thirty years after his sister's disappearance, a many has a lot to say after she suddenly re-appears.  - pdf, format

The first page is a little overwritten and there are a few typos in the script.

Other than that, I don't really know what to say. Not bad, but not great either. Feels too long for what it is but maybe I just didn't get it...

Thanks for getting this up so quick. I've made a typo in the logline - "a many" should be a "man" - lol.

BenLewis, I appreciate the feedback. I wrote this to be something that almost anyone could film with no budget, so it's a little dry and aimless. I totally get how you feel. I was trying to imply this long, fetid history between characters without flashbacks or long dialogue, so I guess I could have done a better job

Yes, maybe anyone could film this, but why would they want to?

There really isn't much of a story here.

Well written for the most part. I agree that it can be trimmed down.

Thanks for the feedback

I definitely get that not a lot happens - but is my intention at least clear? Like, is it obvious that he imagining his sister? If I beefed up the conversation, would that help?

I got that.

Not sure what more you would have them say that could add to the story. If you began adding more backstory without anything actually happening it's just going to become OTN, but if you start using flashbacks to playout the past then you are going to increase the budget and you have said you wanted someone with almost no budget to be able to film it. Seems like a catch 22.

I think story is more important than anything. If you have no story, you have nothing.

Ben, this just seems like an incomplete story to me. As if your focus is not quite there on the story as a whole.

I'd personally get rid of, 'no they're the neighbour's kids, make them his own, and maybe younger. Maybe his kids, or one of them at least, is around the same age his sister was when she disappeared - I assume abducted.

You definitely need more clarity though about what this story is all about. It ended abruptly and I wanted to know more.

I liked when he talked about losing ten years of his life presumably when his sister disappeared. Families often suffer when one child is kidnapped, the remaining children become casualties unless the parents have counselling and special attention is paid to the surviving children.

Perhaps she reappears as a ghost to help him solve her disappearance - make it a thriller/mystery/ghost story with an answer to a decades long puzzle instead.

Just my thoughts.

Hi LC,

Appreciate the feedback. Really helpful. I definitely see where the flaw lie here.

Also, I didn't intend to imply the sister had been abducted, but rather than she ran away willingly and never made her whereabouts know. But I guess it works either way

If I ever wanted to expand this significantly, those are some awesome ideas. Cheers

This got optioned/picked up/is being made, whatever you call it.

Excellent!

Screw it, congrats again.