SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is February 27th, 2017, 10:18pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login


If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship

The SSC2WC Scripts are Here
Submit SSC2WC scripts here

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Short Scripts Review Submission

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Action / Adventure Scripts  ›  Two Bits & A Broken Promise
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Two Bits & A Broken Promise  (currently 469 views)
SimplyScripts
Posted: December 23rd, 2016, 11:45am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
10905
Posts Per Day
1.86
Two Bits & A Broken Promise by Marcus D. Russell - Short, Action - When a series of train robberies escalates to murder it pits a pair of Outlaw brothers against a pair of Marshall brothers.  They quickly find out that they have much more in common than they realized. 11 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit http://www.simplyscripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
RichardR
Posted: January 5th, 2017, 3:07pm Report to Moderator
Green


Posts
904
Posts Per Day
1.06
Some notes

In the opening action section, you don't CAPITALIZE the people involved--FIREMAN and ENGINEER.  Such a mistake marks you as a neophyte.  

In the next sequence, you give us a frail man who becomes the STATION ATTENDANT.  Make sure you have agreement between description and dialogue.

in the next sequence you introduce murdering, thieving brothers, but you don't show us how they got there.  you might consider putting them on the train from the beginning, and they only don masks when they leave the passenger car.  This allows them to jump when they reach their horses.

How does the audience know that the judge is a horrible person?

then, we get into a raft of on-the-nose dialogue, some of it about what we already know.  

I find little foundation for the sudden accusations about robbing trains.  If one brother had suddenly come into a lot of money, or paid off a mortgage, or bought a new gun, well, you'd have something.  Instead, it's the author needing a standoff and just creating one.

In the middle of a train statin, in the middle of the day, a lawman and his brother present, these two thieves are going to do another robbery?

The problem I have with this one, aside from the formatting issues, is that there are few setups for the payoffs.  We don't know why the black brothers are robbing.  We don't know what has made so desperate that they try to pull off an almost impossible task.  It reads as if they authors wanted certain things to happen and so they made them happen whether or not it made sense.

You might read some scripts and deconstruct them, looking for the setups that support the payoffs.

best
Richard
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 15
Cooprdog
Posted: January 7th, 2017, 7:24pm Report to Moderator
Red


Posts
4
Posts Per Day
0.07
I'm not sure where you get off calling someone an amateur...but I'll indulge you nonetheless.

Since the engineer and the fireman are characters... they are capitalized and formatted accordingly.  It would seem that your...objection is to my not naming the characters and using their occupations as names.  This is a common screenwriting convention that you will find in features, TV dramas and sitcoms.  It's the equivalent to STUDENT#1, and the lack of a name is how the writer indicates that these characters are not important and only serve an expositional pupose.  It's mostly used to save space and to not confuse the reader into thinking they have to remember these details.

next....  no motivation for outlaws to commit robbery?  Since when do outlaws need a reason to be outlaws?  It's a western.  Do the street racers in fast and the furious have a motivation?... or do they race because they are street racers?  I think you are being overly pedantic here.  The western as a myth has charcters that exist in every narrative mainly outlaws, marshalls, farmers, hookers and innocent people who get caught up in the mix.. I'm sorry I just can't take that complaint seriously.

ok.. on to the meat of your.... issues. You dont' feel that BOB realizing that Dick is in on the robberies is convincing.  Is any short motivation convincing by those standards?  A short is a snap shot of time and experiencing one moment.  You know that Dick Hardin has a daughter dying of Cholera.. and that he needs money cause he's about to lose his farm and his wife is reminding him, publicly, that he has broken his promise.  I don't really think it's that much of a stretch.  But let's say that it is.  Dick does casually mention that the locks used on the train are cheap.  How would he know this?  It has not been discussed in any part of the script so he must have inside information.  You can say that it's not clear, but you can't say that it was not justified.  It's a short.. so it moves quickly.  And I'm not in the habit of spelling everything out for the viewer.  I get that you think it's a stretch, but is it really?...certaintly not as much as Bruce willis happening to be in Nakatomi Plaza when terroists show up.  Or Will smith setting a helicopter down next to his girlfriend in Independence Day.  I really thing you are judging this along the lines of a feature.. when it clearly isn't.  

...it seems strange to you that the outlways return in the middle of the day.  Unless, the outlaws know that one of the investigaing marshalls is in cahoots with them.. and most likely won't shoot them if they return.  AND... no one would expect the robbers to return to the scene  of the crime...so it's actully the best chance to retrieve the missing lock box --which I indicated was the real issue in the box car scene by Dick's dialogue where he says "we don't have time for this".  Now you can argue that you didn't catch that..because it's just one piece of dialogue - but it's intellectually dishonest to say it wasn't motivated, is improbable or is a non-sequitor.  It was justified.. I just didnt' hit you over the head with it...because it's a short.

Lastly.. you seem to object to the shoot out at the end.  Ummm.. it's a western.  All westerns comprise outlaws wearing black, profanity, a shoot out and one liners.  It's a short and I needed to end it and I had not yet given you a shoot out.. is it really that far of a stretch?  It's filmmaking and should be fun to a certain extent.  I've read about a dozen shorts on this site with far less motivation and extremely less self-contained..yet still I enjoyed them.

I appreciate the read..but the venom is misplaced.  And for the record.. I write a lot.  I'm not trying to start a flame war.. but you need to be a bit more familiar with genres and screenwriting conventions before calling someone an amateur.  And yes.. I have two TV dramas I can drop on you right now if you want to really check my bonafides.  A short is by definition experimental and writers should be toying with writing conventions and formatting standards, because shorts are non-commercial and most never see the light of day.  I get that you are trying to be helpful...but your knowledge of screencraft is not as vast as you feign.  You can be helpful without putting people down...not that I care.  I'm an arrogant bastard who's rarely sober so I didn't really take offense to your comments.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 15
eldave1
Posted: January 7th, 2017, 7:44pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
Southern California
Posts
1958
Posts Per Day
2.08
Not to wade in too deep, but I think the issue regarding the characters is this.  You have:


Quoted Text
A beautiful prairie is lined by deep woods. A steam engine
barrels through billowing smoke. The fireman is shoveling
coal into the furnace when he stops suddenly and looks at the
engineer.

ENGINEER
What?

FIREMAN
Elizabeth is pregnant.

ENGINEER
Well Goddamn.


When it should be this:

A beautiful prairie is lined by deep woods. A steam engine
barrels through billowing smoke. The FIREMAN is shoveling
coal into the furnace when he stops suddenly and looks at the
ENGINEER.



My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 3 - 15
RichardR
Posted: January 8th, 2017, 2:16pm Report to Moderator
Green


Posts
904
Posts Per Day
1.06
We'll, at least you didn't take offense.

I congratulate you on your success.

Best
Richard
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 15
Reef Dreamer
Posted: January 8th, 2017, 2:44pm Report to Moderator
Yellow


where's my simply scripts thong?

Location
The Island of Jersey
Posts
2376
Posts Per Day
1.17

Quoted from RichardR
We'll, at least you didn't take offense.

I congratulate you on your success.

Best
Richard




My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Logged
Private Message Reply: 5 - 15
Cooprdog
Posted: January 9th, 2017, 12:20am Report to Moderator
Red


Posts
4
Posts Per Day
0.07
First venom, then sarcasm -- do most writers find this approach to be helpful?  Any desire to refute any of the statements I've made?  Any desire to discuss narratological theory, film theory, critical theory, semotics, the differnce between story and narrative or any of the underpinnings of screenwriting?  Your 800+ posts would seem to indicate that you have a lot to say about the craft.  Let's move beyond sniping and oneupman's-ship and have a substantitive discussion about scripts, conventions and the mind of the reader.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 15
RichardR
Posted: January 9th, 2017, 9:53am Report to Moderator
Green


Posts
904
Posts Per Day
1.06
Perhaps my last comment was a bit sarcastic, but it was fair observation (IMHO).  I'm glad you took no umbrage.

And I was absolutely sincere in complimenting you on your success.  Two TV dramas is nothing to sneer at, and I assumed you had already sold them.  I consider any screenplay that has been completed a success.  Optioning or selling the screenplay is a major accomplishment.  Having the screenplay produced is a rare victory.

I have neither the time nor the energy to begin a discussion of the underpinnings of storytelling.  I comment here for several reasons.  
1.  I try to reciprocate to those writers who comment on my scripts.  For good or ill.
2.  I try to comment where my comments might improve the script.  I'm not looking to start a flame war which I consider a waste of time and effort.
3.  I feel that since this site generously allows me to post my work, I owe the site some comments and reviews.  

I realize comments ruffle feathers.  I have absorbed my share.  But I try to remember that the people who comment here are not commenting on my abilities or looks or the size of my ego.  They are commenting on my work, and that is all.  That is fair.

Best
Richard
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 7 - 15
Bold
Posted: January 9th, 2017, 4:04pm Report to Moderator
Red


I'll knock you into Science!

Location
Pacific Northwest
Posts
38
Posts Per Day
0.67
I read this last night, here are my thoughts:
Code

A beautiful prairie is lined by deep woods. A steam engine barrels through billowing smoke.


There is no mention of train tracks in these woods or the prairie. While you may consider this to be implicit, itís better to include that detail.

The cab of a steam locomotive is very noisy, the fireman and engineer would be shouting their dialog. The noise of the key belt would be drowned out.

You may want to use Ďstokerí instead of Ďfireman.í Not critical, but it might reduce confusion in the readerís mind.


Code

Dust billows up the street as a lone rider approaches.


Again while it may be implicit, you should probably mention the riderís horse as the source of the billowing


Code

Rancher and father of three.


If we never see the children or his ranch, the audience will never know this detail


Code

A frail man with wire rim glasses quickly transcribes Morse Code


For clarity, it should be
Code

A frail OFFICE ATTENDANT quickly transcribes Morse Code




Code

Dick pulls his .45 and levels it at the attendant.


Thatís a bit melodramatic. Instead, what about:
Code

Dick rests his hand on the .45 in his gun belt.




Code

You promised me. Stop. You promised. Stop.


You promised me. You promised. Sounds like spoken dialog, not something you would repeat twice in a telegram.


Code

(pointing the .45 again)


Still melodramatic.


Code

 another patron enters. Dick holsters his gun and quickly leaves the office as the attendant stares at him.


Ambiguous. Is the attendant staring at Dick or the patron?


Code

OUTLAW#1
Gimme the keys to the strong box!


Did train companies give strong box keys to engineers? I donít know the historical precedent here, but it seem like train companies would give the key to a hired guard, not to the engineer.


Code

The Fireman hops from car to car running towards the steam engine.


If thereís more than one box car, how does the fireman know which car the cigars are in? The engineer should say the cigars are in the caboose, which is typically where accommodations for the crew are. Also, the fireman should drop the box of cigars when he hears the shot.


Code

INT. STEAM ENGINE
Blood and skull fragments decorate the engineís furnace.


This is gross but cool. Why not punch it up a bit with:
Code

Blood and skull fragments sizzle on the engineís furnace.




Code

The outlaw removes his bandana to reveal a black man with deep wrinkles and scars on his face he is CLARENCE GOLDSBY, 34 - outlaw, reactionary and younger brother.


Should be two sentences.
Code

The outlaw removes his bandana to reveal a black man with deep wrinkles and scars on his face. He is CLARENCE GOLDSBY, 34 - outlaw, reactionary and younger brother.



Also, why are he and his brother taking off their bandanas in the middle of the robbery? The engineer may be dead but there are other people on the train who might see him

Code

As if killing another man is going to matter now.


I fell like this line could be a little stronger, something like
Code

One more body ainít gonna matter.




Code

The engineer-less steam engine


A little clunky, how about
Code

The unmanned steam engine




Code

Two dark figures jump from the train and mount two horses tied to a tree.


Ambiguous. Are these two new characters? Should be:
Code

The two train robbers jump from the trainÖ




Code

The train sits in the station.


Should be
Code

The train sits at the station.




Code

lookee-looís


Should be looky-loo. But a perfect phrase for a period piece like this.


You use the spelling kart and cart. Use cart, as kart is usually associated with go-karts or Mario Kart.


Code

A pack of young boys (8-10ish) has gathered several yards from the kart and eyes
the fruit suspiciously.


Do the boysí age matter? And are they suspicious of apples? Try something like
Code

A pack of young boys hungrily eye the goods of a nearby fruit cart.




Code

He is BOB HARDIN, 45 rancher and lawman.


Again how does the audience know he is a rancher or lawman unless they see it? Why not:
Code

BOB HARDINís sheriffís badge is as weathered and weary as his face.




Code

He is flanked by another tall white and who you recognize as Dick Hardin, from the telegraph office.


Who we may recognize as the guy from the telegraph office, only two pages ago? Just say:
Code

He is flanked by Dick Hardin




Code

Suddenly, one of the boys makes a break for the apple cart.
He steals an apple and takes off running. As he passes Bob, Bob trips the boy and he goes down hard.
Bob yanks him off the ground by his left arm


Could be stronger, like:
Code

One of the boys suddenly grabs an apple off the cart and makes a break for it.
Without looking, Bob sticks a foot out and trips the boy.
He hoists the kid by the collar before he even hits the ground.


Demonstrates Bob is both observant and has quick reflexes.


Code

BOB
Stealing is wrong! --you hear me?


Too on-the-nose. The kidís making a run for it, obviously he knows that stealing is wrong? How about:
Code

BOB
You're not too small for a jail cell.




Here:
Code

YOUNG BOY
Címon Mister, Iím hungry.

BOB
Thatís no excuse!


Also too on-the-nose. Why not:
Code

BOB
Then take up apple farming.




Code

DICK
But you can excuse him for getting killed and leaving his wife and kids to starve? What man does that?


I like this line, imbued with a Frontier philosophy.


Code

An older man with white hair and a disposition of respect struggles to enter the locomotive.


Incorrect use of disposition (ďa person's inherent qualities of mind and characterĒ). Should be something like
Code

A white-haired JUDGE, accustomed to commanding respect, is unhappy with the indignity of having to climb into the locomotive cab.




Code

He is TOM HARRISON hanging judge and all around horrible person.


Could be stronger, like:
Code

TOM HARRISON has the bitter face of a man whoíd convict his mother on a technicality.




Code

DICK
School salary actually.


Itís fair to assume a public school system hasnít reached these parts, why would the salary be shipped in by train. Wouldnít the teacherís salary be raised locally?


Code

theyíre worst than Injuns


theyíre worse than


Code

Set the bounty at $500 each and get your posse together.


Using 1873 as a measure, $500 would be the equivalent of $10,000 today. Assuming the teacherís salary was less than that, why would the Judge put up a bounty of $20,000 total?
Code

DICK
Thatís barely enough to get horse thieves found let alone track some outlaws.


$20,000 (adjusted) would be more than enough to throw together aposse. Have the Judge set the bounty at$100, then triple it.


Code

They shot the look off and threw the money out the door.


They shot the lock off


Here:
Code

DICK
There was confusion. They probably realized this was the wrong train.


Stating the obvious. This line of dialog can be removed.


Code

BOB
(beat) Youíd think these guys would check things out more if theyíre so desperate.


Contradictory statement. Desperate people are neither well-organized nor thorough.


Code

DICK
Killiní is killiní, this ainít no different.


Lose the last part, to make it stronger, showing Dick's moral compassis absolute:
Code

Killiní is killiní




So Dick, the white man, is the train robber? Or the two black men were the train robbers? Or is he robbing different trains than the two black men?  Or are they in cahoots?  It would be clearer if Bob demonstrated keener powers observation of an incontrovertible clue that Dick orchestrated the robbery.


Code

DICK
And pay him what? Horse feed? Promises? I had to do everything from sun up to sunó


It would be much stronger if it was just
Code

And pay him what? Promises?




Code

Crawford removes the bandana from his face and steps inches from Bobís face.


For an outlaw, Crawford sure like flashing his face a lot.


Code

CRAWFORD
It ainít wise to talk about things that donít concern you.


This is a horrible, terrible line of dialog.


For a Western, the details of the gunfight are neither creative nor compelling. Theyíre actually confusing.
Code

Clarence shoots him. Dick moans on the floor as Clarence shoots him again. He drags Crawford out the box car door leaving a trail of blood.


Ambiguous, it sounds like Dick (mortally wounded) is dragging Crawford out of the train. Itís unclear if the outlaws are in cahoots with Dick, then Dick had a change of heart. Or whether Bobís suspicions were wrong in the first place.


Code

DICK
If a man ainít got his family, he ainít got nothing. So whatís the difference?


But Dick has a family. And earlier he questions the motivations of a man who would allow himself to be killed (which Dick just did).  So on its surface at least, this line doesnít doesnít ring true coming from Dick.



Quoted Text
Since when do outlaws need a reason to be outlaws?  Ö All westerns comprise outlaws wearing black, profanity, a shoot out and one liners.

Sure, if you want to deal tropes.  There isnít much characterization, so the individuals come across as one-dimensional.  I'm not sure why you're raising the concept of semiotics when there doesn't appear to be any symbolic imagery. Or talk about experimentation or convention-breaking, when the story isnít particularly original.  And the writing is confusing in several places. But certainly the material can be finessed into something stronger.  However, in its current state Two Bits doesnít feel polished.

Richardís observation seem perfectly valid, and while I donít think you should be called a neophyte (assess the writing, not the writer), you seem pretty defensive about Two Bits. Which begs the question, why would you post your work here, if youíre not receptive to critique?

Well anyways, I hope you will find my feedback is meant to help and is without animus.

Keep on writing,

|.  .  |  .|


Bold on IMDB



∆ternum "Reasons Unknown" (Pilot) ē Thriller, Horror, Sci-Fi ē 58 Pages

I will reciprocate feedback!

Revision History (1 edits)
Bold  -  January 9th, 2017, 4:32pm
Logged
Private Message Reply: 8 - 15
Cooprdog
Posted: January 9th, 2017, 9:18pm Report to Moderator
Red


Posts
4
Posts Per Day
0.07
I found your comments to be very helpful.  They bring a lot of clarity.  What I objected to was the tone of Richard's comments and the assumption that I was some kind of rank amateur.  I'm sorry if I seem defensive.. I'm not.  I just decided to refute point for point what I felt was missing the forest through the trees.  Not really the look you want as a writer...but I"m just not going to let that kind of thing slide.

My...opinion is that the western is a myth.  And this myth is built upon to ridiculous levels.  You can't examine any western without encountering this...particulary when it comes to shootouts which often times start with a look or offhanded comment that results in death.  We accept this as fact in westerns and require little motivation for them yet other events that are given the same treatment...seemed...undercooked.

No, it's not original.  But I'm not sure you can write an original narrative in the mythical west and stay in the good graces of what we accept as the west.  This is much more a whodunnit gone awry than a traditional western... and I'm not a huge fan of westerns in any respect, the story of Cherokee Bill just resonated with me...so I wanted to explore it.

I wouldn't object to "I don't feel there is a clear motivation" but the trope of outlaws and the west is well defined and understood so I just can't get behind the idea that outlaws and marshalls need tons of explanation on why the protect or rob.

I raised semiotics because I wanted to discuss the manners in which we communicate information to the vewer.  Semiotics is much more than just imagery - which you are correct i use little of.  I was referecing it in the sense of image juxtapositon, use of color, body language ect. as a manner of conveying meaning.

I posted the script because I wanted to see how people felt about it - the world, the issues that it raises.  This is not my script.  Well, the short is my script but this was a feature that a fraternity brother of mine wrote and I was trying to convince him to make it TV drama...so I wrote a teaser and it evolved into a short that I had planned to use for a directing competition so a lot of the...assumptions or things that are overlooked are mainly because it's something I planned to shoot..and I know exactly what the scenes look like and feel like.  It's the story of Cherokee Bill.... I was taken by the actual events that happened and wanted to explore them and also the effect the the homestead act of 1862 had on settling the west.  I like the idea of two sets of brothers dealing with their sibling issues as the head for conflict.

anyways thanks again.  I will post the latest spec I wrote so people don't think I'm just talking shit.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 9 - 15
Cooprdog
Posted: January 9th, 2017, 9:25pm Report to Moderator
Red


Posts
4
Posts Per Day
0.07
Richard...

thank you but I haven't sold or had a show produced.  I'm trying to get staffed on a show an have been writing specs and researching shows and doing the TV fellowship circuits.  I've produced my own films, but I dont' really count that anymore.

I see what you were referring to with your comments and I have implemented some of your suggestions. You clearly care about films and scripted entertainment and that was were I wanted to take us when I asked about a larger discussion.

Anyways.  I harbor no ill will or animosity.  Look forward to engaging with you in the future


Marcus
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 10 - 15
Bold
Posted: January 9th, 2017, 10:01pm Report to Moderator
Red


I'll knock you into Science!

Location
Pacific Northwest
Posts
38
Posts Per Day
0.67
Cooperdog, I'm glad you found the feedback useful!

Quoted from Cooprdog
My...opinion is that the western is a myth.  And this myth is built upon to ridiculous levels.  You can't examine any western without encountering this...particulary when it comes to shootouts which often times start with a look or offhanded comment that results in death.  We accept this as fact in westerns and require little motivation for them yet other events that are given the same treatment...seemed...undercooked.


I agree wholeheartedly, Westerns are frequently hyperbolic, sometimes to the point of parody.  Like The Quick and the Dead, which I am - as far as I know - the only person who enjoyed that film.  Or you have the rare approaches to the material like Deadwood or Unforgiven which downplay this over-romanticized genre.  They in effect de-romanticize the genre.

It's a difficult genre to navigate and stay original, as there are pitfalls everywhere, and people are so desperate to wring something new out of it that you'll occasionally get something really horrible like Cowboys vs. Aliens/Dinosaurs/Zombies.  Ugh.

Anyways, good luck with the show staffing - I hope it works out!

Best,
|.  .  |  .|


Bold on IMDB



∆ternum "Reasons Unknown" (Pilot) ē Thriller, Horror, Sci-Fi ē 58 Pages

I will reciprocate feedback!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 11 - 15
Bold
Posted: January 10th, 2017, 10:33pm Report to Moderator
Red


I'll knock you into Science!

Location
Pacific Northwest
Posts
38
Posts Per Day
0.67
Well that's a bummer, I'm sorry I missed your feedback before it disappeared.  Thanks Richard for taking the time to read it, though!


Bold on IMDB



∆ternum "Reasons Unknown" (Pilot) ē Thriller, Horror, Sci-Fi ē 58 Pages

I will reciprocate feedback!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 12 - 15
TonyDionisio
Posted: February 3rd, 2017, 8:07am Report to Moderator
Green


Damnit, get to the point!

Location
New York
Posts
710
Posts Per Day
0.56

Quoted from eldave1
Not to wade in too deep, but I think the issue regarding the characters is this.  You have:



When it should be this:

A beautiful prairie is lined by deep woods. A steam engine
barrels through billowing smoke. The FIREMAN is shoveling
coal into the furnace when he stops suddenly and looks at the
ENGINEER.



I recall somewhere that each new character introduced should have tbeir own new paragraph. Anyone validity to that?

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 13 - 15
eldave1
Posted: February 3rd, 2017, 10:11am Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
Southern California
Posts
1958
Posts Per Day
2.08

Quoted from TonyDionisio


I recall somewhere that each new character introduced should have tbeir own new paragraph. Anyone validity to that?



IMO - the answer is no, you do not need a separate paragraph, especially as it relates to minor characters like the two in the example given..

I generally reserve a separate block for my Protag and Antag - but even that is not required.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 14 - 15
 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Action / Adventure Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006