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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  Tooth and Nail
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  Author    Tooth and Nail  (currently 1815 views)
Athenian
Posted: December 11th, 2016, 12:20pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Fausto
Hi Manolis,
I really like your script....however, I also think that it needs a little streamlining...I mean characters more defined (Blake), less use of  a "complicate" vernacular and maybe, a different way of dying, more sophisticated "syringe?"...the doc dying with a poisonous  injection is, in my view, very appealing.
Great creative job.
All my best,
Fausto


Hi Fausto,

Thanks! Glad you liked the script, overall.

Like I told Dave, if Martha used a syringe, Doctor Blake would be able to react and his identity would be revealed. The pillow is a good choice IMO, in this respect.

As for the "complicated vernacular", can you give some example? I'm NEVER sure if my English dialogue sounds natural enough, so any help would be appreciated.

Thanks for your time and comment!

Manolis
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Athenian
Posted: December 11th, 2016, 12:32pm Report to Moderator
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BTW, Steve and Fausto, if there's any recent script you'd like feedback on, let me know.
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