Yes, Dear by RonH - Short, Comedy - A sad, lonely husband's last straw is finally broken.  6 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hey Ron

Took a quick read, a few thoughts...

1) There's a few typos that sure you'll catch with another read.
2) Picky, but spaghettis is a pasta, not  noodle.
3) I know there is a word assort, but sorts would work better imho

I liked the story, built nicely into the end, the end was a little obvious but the one I wanted from the story. My only suggestion would be that maybe one more killer 'yes dear' moment, maybe he tries to get amorous and she rebukes him... just a thought

Anthony

R,
No secret where this was going but I chuckled through the whole thing. Funny stuff.
Frank was the perfect puppy dog to the Doris pit bull.

Loved Doris!!!

My favorites:   "Doris lies on her back snoring.  An ungodly gurgle."  and   "Doris's snoring becomes a gargled, sputtering wheeze.  She chokes on some saliva.  Coughs herself awake."
Two colorful characters.

Yeah, funny stuff.  An easy, funny read.

JJ

Some notes.

This is an oft-told tale, but it generally always satisfies.  You might think of updating it by putting Doris in front of a computer instead of a TV.  And you might show Frank doing some knife play, since I would think he has to cut up the body?  Also, since there are children involved, you might consider giving Frank some explanation for mom's disappearance or a line where Doris admits the kids never call?

Best
Richard

Hey, gang

Thanks for the generous comments. I wrote this one as a bit of a lark between features. It's a simple premise, but I thought it worked out well enough to post.

Anthony - Thanks for the fine noodling. Will fix that up.
Jake - thanks, glad it made you smile.
Richard - I did think about what the children's reaction would be. I wanted to get the impression, that the kids have flown the coop, and have left forever. -- I'll give Frank a line saying how they never call or something.

Thanks for the feedback

Very enjoyable read. Solid characters, solid dialogue, solid story.  I really enjoyed the telegraphing as it built up to the resolution. I wonder if this wouldn't benefit from a twist at the end. Just think it could be especially satisfying if we discover that it *wasn't* her being rolled into the trash but something else, which has just shut her up.

Also obvious typo in last line of pg 2

An easy read with a character you feel sorry for (Frank) and a character you hate (Doris). A bit one-dimensional and leading to an obvious conclusion for my tastes but nothing particularly wrong with the story.

Comedy is very subjective and the only aspect I found amusing was the image of her body dropping into the dumpster and him saying yes, dear. The rest, I would have thought was more of a drama if I didn't already know it was a comedy. I'd suggest putting more obvious gags, take the common concept of a 'husband under the thumb' and exaggerate it to the nth degree.  

But that's just my personal opinion. It reads fine as it is.

-Mark