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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  Parties by Leo
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Don
Posted: June 10th, 2018, 8:56pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Parties by Leo by Anthony Cawood (AnthonyCawood) writing as xYz - Short, Comedy - The worlds most famous artist and inventor has one last job to do. 8 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


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HyperMatt
Posted: June 12th, 2018, 2:24pm Report to Moderator
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I think you would get more interest if people knew this was about Leonardo Da Vinci. Everyone loves Da Vinci (I do anyway). Didn't realise it until I started reading, I'm dim like that. Maybe the title could be 'Parties by Da Vinci'? (but what do I know?)
I sense a Monty Python thing going on (or Carry on Leo?).


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HyperMatt
Posted: June 12th, 2018, 2:53pm Report to Moderator
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The period characters were well realised, my only criticism on that, they seemed a bit too 'contemporary Americanized (even I don't know what I mean by that). But it is clear this is a tongue in cheek piece.
I liked that comic dark ending, that's real British humour.
Like the scene introducing Lino bursting out of the cake, made me think of Pope Leo X's greater excesses (that would make a great subject for a script).
I like the party scene where we get to see all of Da Vinci's noted inventions (I would have loved to see something with Da Vinci's bronze horse, but I'm digressing again).  
I thought Leo and Roberto's talk at the start could have been shorter.
The story was quite warm despite the ending, it left a sweet taste in the mouth.
Pg 1.  - 'Leo Laughs' - add Full stop
This is quite an indulgent short and would be expensive, and that is not counting the twin kids you'll have to find. I felt it lent itself more to a feature. A British comedy flick (please, no Eric Idle in the lead!)


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: June 12th, 2018, 3:21pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Matt and thanks for taking a look.

This was written for the last but one writing challenge on this very site, so I threw all budget considerations out of the window and indulged myself... I also don't normally write comedy, so was a bit of an experiment in that regards too.

I am considering expanding the concept so will keep all your comments in mind.

Thanks again!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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HyperMatt
Posted: June 15th, 2018, 4:54am Report to Moderator
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Please include the horse of bronze!

Did you ever see the BBC documenary about Leonardo with Mark Rylance in the role? That was one of the first things I saw him in, what a brilliant performeance.


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colkurtz8
Posted: July 3rd, 2018, 4:33am Report to Moderator
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Anthony

LEO
Remember our chat?

ROBERTO
Of course, but I'm afraid you're
still not my type.

LEO
Not that one, the jobs one.
Roberto lets out a sigh of relief.

- This is half amusing, half disconcerting, One can only speculate what Leonardo was asking of Roberto. Itís just that itís done in such a throwaway manner I wondered. In today's climate it has #metoo written all over it

LEO
Waxes and wanes. They'll eclipse the
day versions when I crack it though.

- Ha, nice, Puns ahoy!

This was an enjoyable piece of fluff. I liked the steady stream of allusions to De Vinciís work before itís an all out Leoís world fair at the end. The closing image and line was particularly clever.

I wondered though why the great renaissance man has seemingly fallen on hard times and having to resort to being a party organiser? It seems like he is still respected among his contemporaries and is creatively firing on all cylinders. A bit of research tells me that in 1492 he was at, or near, the peak of his powers.

Col.


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: July 3rd, 2018, 4:45pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Col

Thanks for having a read and adding your usual insightful comments...

So...

I tried to weave in as many elements of the truth/history as I could and Leo was gay, so I wanted to reference this without dwelling, so the conversation referenced was Leo telling Roberto that he fancied him, and Roberto, who's also gay in the script, saying your still not my type.

So I see no #metoo in this as it references a conversation between two people about their feelings for each other, unrequited love or lust depending on how you look at it.

Well that was the intention anyway

And the fallen on hard times bit, well apparently Leo was a wedding planner, or more accurately something like the master of the revels before his artistic ascension... so this is kinda set before he became famous for his inventions and art but I have slightly fudged the timeline to suit the script.

Fortunately, it's not a historically accurate drama

Currently giving thought to expanding this...







Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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colkurtz8
Posted: July 4th, 2018, 10:03am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from AnthonyCawood
So I see no #metoo in this as it references a conversation between two people about their feelings for each other, unrequited love or lust depending on how you look at it


- Sure, I was being facetious, hence the wink. It's just given Da Vinci's notoriety, standing, power, etc and since Roberto is his assistant, I drew a comparison...but as you say, this is meant to be before Da Vinci became the man we knew today so perhaps he has no clout to exploit. That is probably why Roberto is able to turn him down, right? (more facetiousness)

Anyway the timeline thing is minor, It's interesting to know he was actually a wedding planner too.

Col.


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