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X-Boy - Optioned! (currently 1233 views) |
Don |
Posted: February 17th, 2019, 3:04pm |
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AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16381 Posts Per Day 1.94 |
X-Boy by Max Ruddock - Short, Comedy - A young boy heavily influenced by super hero comics learns the true price of superheroism. 1 page - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work |
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------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
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Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown) |
Don - July 18th, 2020, 5:35pm | | |
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HyperMatt |
Posted: February 17th, 2019, 6:33pm |
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LocationLondon, UK Posts440 Posts Per Day 0.17 |
Wouldn't call this a comedy. It has a very bleak ending. I thought it was a good complete story for a 1-pager. |
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Warren |
Posted: February 17th, 2019, 6:37pm |
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Of The Ancients A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
LocationSydney, Australia Posts3897 Posts Per Day 1.36 |
Definitely not a comedy, that was extremely dark. Or maybe it says something about you that you find it funny? |
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LC |
Posted: February 17th, 2019, 8:04pm |
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Administrator
LocationThe Great Southern Land Posts7582 Posts Per Day 1.34 |
Comedy? Not even black comedy as your chosen genre?
There's a difference between being entertained as we write something ourselves and what the actual filmed project would look like.
I even considered (in my head) if animation could rectify this but it's just too grim a punchline for what is a comedic setup. |
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Matthew Taylor |
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 4:42am |
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January Project Group
LocationShakespeare's county Posts1770 Posts Per Day 0.89 |
Based on the other reviews, I must be sick, because I would class this as a dark comedy.
Why is Freddy's name capitalized every time? You also say Freedy sometimes.
Maybe you made him too young for such a grim ending - Making him an immature teen who still wants to be a superhero might make the ending easier for people to swallow.
Anyway - a 1 pager - Top work.
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Two steps to writing a good screenplay: 1) Write a bad one 2) Fix it |
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FrankM |
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 10:37am |
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January Project Group
LocationBetween Chair and Keyboard Posts1447 Posts Per Day 0.63 |
Getting a beginning, middle and ending into a 1-pager is impressive, especially with all those slugs in there adding white space and a surname that's never uttered taking up room.
Looking up-thread, some folks are questioning whether this is really a comedy. Kids tell some pretty damned bleak-ending jokes to one another, so I don't think there's anything genre-shattering here. Seems squarely black comedy to me.
That said, I can't see this actually getting made in live action with a child actor. It could be animated, but that's not going to make people who don't like it give it a chance. |
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Pleb |
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 5:03pm |
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LocationUK Posts444 Posts Per Day 0.15 |
Hi guys,
Thanks for taking the time to read it and offer feedback. I really appreciate it.
As for the comedy side of it; yes, it's meant to be a dark comedy. Although I can see what you guys are getting at, and like Warren says it probably says something about me. I think I've always had a slightly weird sense of humour and this is the kind of thing that if I watched it I'd chuckle.
Thanks for pointing out the name issue Matthew. No idea how I missed that! Good call on the age suggestion too. Will get those changed.
As for live action, that never crossed my mind. Plus I always assumed that kind of thing cost bazillions to do.
Thanks again guys,
Max |
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Zack |
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 5:36pm |
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January Project Group
LocationErlanger, KY Posts4487 Posts Per Day 0.69 |
Hey Max, Interesting little one pager. You only capitalize character names when they are introduced. Besides that, pretty cleanly written. Made me laugh, but my sense of humor is all out of whack. Zack |
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Pleb |
Posted: February 19th, 2019, 8:22am |
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LocationUK Posts444 Posts Per Day 0.15 |
Hi Zack (also Matthew for this one),
The upper caps thing was something I'd seen in older scripts and I thought it might help with the read, but I'll drop it in the polish if it looks too cluttered.
Cheers for the read,
Max |
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Pleb |
Posted: March 2nd, 2019, 11:27am |
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LocationUK Posts444 Posts Per Day 0.15 |
Updated draft is up.
Thanks for your feedback guys.
Max |
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Don |
Posted: July 18th, 2020, 5:35pm |
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AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16381 Posts Per Day 1.94 |
Optioned.
- Don |
| Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.
------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
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AnthonyCawood |
Posted: July 18th, 2020, 6:07pm |
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January Project Group
LocationUK Posts4319 Posts Per Day 1.14 |
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Pleb |
Posted: July 19th, 2020, 5:39am |
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LocationUK Posts444 Posts Per Day 0.15 |
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Yuvraj |
Posted: July 19th, 2020, 5:51am |
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Been Around
LocationWhy you wanna know? Posts779 Posts Per Day 0.50 |
Nice one pager here, Max.
Liked the wicked and dark sense of humor. The ending was a bummer. Do understand why some people seemed upset. But I liked it. Blame me for that.
But but but... I strongly wouldn't categorize this as a comedy. It's a dark drama for me. That's for sure. And congrats for the script been optioned.
Good luck. |
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Pleb |
Posted: July 19th, 2020, 5:54am |
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LocationUK Posts444 Posts Per Day 0.15 |
Cheers Yuvraj,
Yeah it’s pretty dark eh
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