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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  X-Boy - Optioned!
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  Author    X-Boy - Optioned!  (currently 1233 views)
Don
Posted: February 17th, 2019, 3:04pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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X-Boy by Max Ruddock - Short, Comedy - A young boy heavily influenced by super hero comics learns the true price of superheroism. 1 page - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  July 18th, 2020, 5:35pm
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HyperMatt
Posted: February 17th, 2019, 6:33pm Report to Moderator
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Wouldn't call this a comedy. It has a very bleak ending. I thought it was a good complete story for a 1-pager.


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Warren
Posted: February 17th, 2019, 6:37pm Report to Moderator
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Definitely not a comedy, that was extremely dark.

Or maybe it says something about you that you find it funny?  


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LC
Posted: February 17th, 2019, 8:04pm Report to Moderator
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Comedy? Not even black comedy as your chosen genre?

There's a difference between being entertained as we write something ourselves and what the actual filmed project would look like.

I even considered (in my head) if animation could rectify this but it's just too grim a punchline for what is a comedic setup.


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Matthew Taylor
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 4:42am Report to Moderator
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Based on the other reviews, I must be sick, because I would class this as a dark comedy.

Why is Freddy's name capitalized every time? You also say Freedy sometimes.

Maybe you made him too young for such a grim ending - Making him an immature teen who still wants to be a superhero might make the ending easier for people to swallow.

Anyway - a 1 pager - Top work.



Feature

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Two steps to writing a good screenplay:
1) Write a bad one
2) Fix it
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FrankM
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 10:37am Report to Moderator
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Getting a beginning, middle and ending into a 1-pager is impressive, especially with all those slugs in there adding white space and a surname that's never uttered taking up room.

Looking up-thread, some folks are questioning whether this is really a comedy. Kids tell some pretty damned bleak-ending jokes to one another, so I don't think there's anything genre-shattering here. Seems squarely black comedy to me.

That said, I can't see this actually getting made in live action with a child actor. It could be animated, but that's not going to make people who don't like it give it a chance.


Feature-length scripts:
Who Wants to Be a Princess? (Family)
Glass House (Horror anthology)

TV pilots:
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"Mal Suerte" (Superhero)

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Pleb
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 5:03pm Report to Moderator
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Hi guys,

Thanks for taking the time to read it and offer feedback. I really appreciate it.

As for the comedy side of it; yes, it's meant to be a dark comedy. Although I can see what you guys are getting at, and like Warren says it probably says something about me. I think I've always had a slightly weird sense of humour and this is the kind of thing that if I watched it I'd chuckle.

Thanks for pointing out the name issue Matthew. No idea how I missed that! Good call on the age suggestion too. Will get those changed.

As for live action, that never crossed my mind. Plus I always assumed that kind of thing cost bazillions to do.

Thanks again guys,

Max


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Zack
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 5:36pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Max,

Interesting little one pager.

You only capitalize character names when they are introduced. Besides that, pretty cleanly written.

Made me laugh, but my sense of humor is all out of whack.

Zack
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Pleb
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Hi Zack (also Matthew for this one),

The upper caps thing was something I'd seen in older scripts and I thought it might help with the read, but I'll drop it in the polish if it looks too cluttered.

Cheers for the read,

Max


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Pleb
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Updated draft is up.

Thanks for your feedback guys.

Max


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Don
Posted: July 18th, 2020, 5:35pm Report to Moderator
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Optioned.

- Don


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

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AnthonyCawood
Posted: July 18th, 2020, 6:07pm Report to Moderator
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Congrats Max!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Pleb
Posted: July 19th, 2020, 5:39am Report to Moderator
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Cheers Anthony


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Yuvraj
Posted: July 19th, 2020, 5:51am Report to Moderator
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Nice one pager here, Max.

Liked the wicked and dark sense of humor. The ending was a bummer. Do understand why some people seemed upset. But I liked it. Blame me for that.

But but but... I strongly wouldn't categorize this as a comedy. It's a dark drama for me. That's for sure.

And congrats for the script been optioned.

Good luck.


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Pleb
Posted: July 19th, 2020, 5:54am Report to Moderator
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Cheers Yuvraj,

Yeah it’s pretty dark eh


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