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This is an outstanding concept you have working here. I really appreciate the angle and the reasons you give for creating such obviously rigid characters. I would liken the script in its current form to that of listening to Beethoven's 5th being played on a plastic ukulele. The melody is absolutely there, but the symphony is not. Find your symphony and you have a real gem in this story. I am not trying to be harsh in any way. I am saying take what you have, which is good, and really push yourself to your limits and make it great.
The great thing about SS is that if you are lucky you are given lots of advise and varying opinions on everything. Then you can choose to do with it what you will.
TheSecond, without me actually knowning what you think the downfalls of the script are, I can't really use your comment in any constructive way other than to say thank you for the compliment.
Dreamscale, I agree that Danny can't be walking down the hall and will intro him as he enters the room.
I never planned in changing my slugs as that's the way I know to do them.
Will have a think about the other suggestions but I think I will pretty much leave it as is.
Its the simple things really that make for a great story. Using things like random police officers for the final reveal is lazy writing. I see it constantly, across all mediums, and it cheapens the art in my opinion.
* spoiler *
Is Emily a mental projection of Oliver in female form? Or is she a separate entity all together?
Warren, while I ain't the format police I'm puzzled why you use a mini slug for EMILY'S ROOM, p.2, but choose not to for KITCHEN, LIVING ROOM etc apart from your opening slug of course.
And further to The Second's comment perhaps you should be more generic and just call it CHILD'S BEDROOM, or simply BEDROOM. Seems some people are still not getting it. Again, on screen it'll hopefully be clear.
Extremely happy to announce that My Imaginary Friend has been picked up for production.
This is even more exciting as this was picked up by a film crew in Miami currently shooting a feature. They have some time between filming and want to make this short. Production is expected to start as soon as next week.
So I will have a full crew, with their director and equipment including red epics.
It's a good day
Oh and my STS review for Hannah's Demons went up today, feel free to check it out.
It's a good story although at the beginning I thought that Danny was a bit too abusive for my tastes. There's just one side to him I thought.
Then you pulled me in - but the story was simple. It was on the page which is good, just I read something like this sometime in the past.
Then came the ending - I'm not sure how to interpret it, but I think it gives the story completely different angle. Oliver is real! But do explain please, what really happened. I'm thinking it's a very interesting story, with a good ending. You just think to clear it up for us at the end, I think.