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Wasn't sure if there was going to be a posting today, so I haven't checked in for a while. Wow. Little overwhelmed at the reaction, so I'm just going to do some carpet bombing, and reply to everyone at once.
Muttonman - When it comes to those hard, fast, but pesky, rules of specs, I typically abide, but in the rare occasion I use them, I always feel it's necessary, and never intrude on the story. It also hasn't hindered me from having my material produced.
As for the Slow Motion; in my opinion, it's part of the cinematic vocabulary, and actually part of the writer's job, (when necessary), to add that kind of flavor to the story.
Dave, Herbert, James,
Thank you for the tremendous feedback. I was hoping to ignite some discussion with this piece, but you guys really went to town.
First, I respect all the comments made. Whether I agree or disagree, I wrote this, to evoke these exact kind of feelings. This project stems from all the recent shootings, and seeing black men, no matter how compliant, still ending up dead after a routine encounter with the police.
As for the script: I'll try to give you a general feeling of what was going on in my head. Here goes...
The biggest complaint seems to be that of Malcolm's apparent split personality. Yes, I did that intentionally, but not to such a degree I thought it would bother anyone. Things could be clearer, but I liked the conflicted aspects of the character.
I saw Malcolm as a bit of an idealist. Comes from a poor family, which is why he's not driving and walking so late at night. I don't know how many times he's been stopped like this; detained with plastic, but it's probably in the dozens. He's bright, and likes to read, which is rare for his family. Yes, he is going to college, but it's a community one, and that's not what he likes to call it. Still, he's the first from his family to get that far, and has real aspirations to do something with his life. He's probably taking a course in Black History, and is developing new opinions about the world.
I thought that when the FAMILY drives by, it would give the moment more impact. I think anytime an innocent man is detained and cuffed, an automatic sense of shame and humiliation is felt. Justified or not. And when strangers witness this, it only intensifies the experience. Every stare would be one more, tiny piece of dignity taken away.
I know you were all down on his speechifying at the end, but for me it's essential. This kid has all kinds of dreams, and ideas about the world, and where it's heading, but he's never really had anyone to talk to them about. No one, except this cop, on this night, who because of this chance encounter, has brought all these feelings up inside of him. The remarks about the future and satellites, alluded to the notion of police body-cameras, and the powers of surveillance to instill proper justice.
Herbert, You understood the escalation I was going for completely. (In some ways, I think, better than I did; very impressive analysis ). Malcolm starts out perfectly courteous, until he realizes who he's dealing with, and then he refuses to play nice, reverting back to his instinctive nature. As for the double negative: Malcolm knows it wrong, but is saying it for effect - It's like he's asking Little - Is this what you want me to sound like?
And as for the Police complicity. I'm sorry, but in incidents like this, I just feel that's how it happens. Some look the other way. Some are bothered, but stay quiet. And some are directly culpable. I have seen far worse abuse in the real world.
I hope I've been able to respond to most of what was said, but it is very late, and my eyes are droopy. But before I wrap it up, there is one very, serious question which must be addressed --- Who doesn't like Star Trek?
I thought that when the FAMILY drives by, it would give the moment more impact. I think anytime an innocent man is detained and cuffed, an automatic sense of shame and humiliation is felt. Justified or not. And when strangers witness this, it only intensifies the experience. Every stare would be one more, tiny piece of dignity taken away.
Now that you've expounded on the idea, I'll retract that criticism.
I would only suggest you build on it a bit more. Perhaps the family drives up, and the driver turns to stare at Malcolm. Malcolm attempts to turn his head/body to the opposite direction, to save himself the embarrassment, but can't move properly because of the cuffs. It would be clearer thematically- the white driver is allowed to exercise his basic right to move freely, but Malcolm's right to move freely is completely contingent on the will of system.
I know you were all down on his speechifying at the end, but for me it's essential. This kid has all kinds of dreams, and ideas about the world, and where it's heading, but he's never really had anyone to talk to them about. No one, except this cop, on this night, who because of this chance encounter, has brought all these feelings up inside of him. The remarks about the future and satellites, alluded to the notion of police body-cameras, and the powers of surveillance to instill proper justice.
My issue with the speech arose because it didn't feel like it worked seamlessly with the rest of the script. The script felt fairly complex, even atypical, until we reach that point. Have you considered making it more conversational? Instead of a full blown monologue, it's part of the back and forth between Malcolm and Little?
"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not weakness. That is life." - Jean-Luc Picard
Herbert, Thanks again for your time and insight. After another look I agree with you about Malcolm's speech. I'm going to rewrite that scene with your suggestions in mind.
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