Windows by ThE StOryTelleR - Short, Drama - The emotional talk between a Syrian father and his son, and the dark revelation within it.  8 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

OWC that didn't meet the reqs.

Hello Mr. Storyteller

Very interesting story. Quite poignant at that too. This is the second script I have read where a character questions his God, or Allah in this case. I usually steer clear of stories that have a lot of religious exposition, but I read the script in full anyways, and I gotta say, it was truly an interesting read.

Probably clear to me that English isn't your first language, so I won't get too overly critical on how often I saw grammatical errors in your writing. This is probably something that will improve in time the more you continue writing scripts. Then again, if the characters themselves aren't usually English-speaking folk, then maybe the dialogue phrasing fits them quite fine. But always general rule of thumb is to make sure your dialogue and phrasing is air-tight, in-case you were to submit this to an agent or even a script-writing competition. Also helps sometimes to read your dialogue out loud...you tend to take notice of any awkward word choices. Dialogue needs to fit both the moment and the mouth.

Good luck!!

Hey Pedro, This was a very thought provoking short. It had emotion and the father and son bond. The ending caught me off guard, I like that.

All in all it is a good story, like mentioned above the spelling errors and so forth, but my true thought is of story and in my opinion it is a good story.

War is Fucked for everyone.

Mike

Allah is dead? I've never heard a Muslim say that. Are you sure he should say that? I thought there was too much dialogue and not enough action. The former was very intelligent though, and it didn't come across as pretentious. I thought the ending was good, and it was genuinely sad.