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Not as enamored with this as the others here, but still a nice little story.
Best of luck, Gary
Some of my scripts:
Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner The Gambler (short) - OWC winner Skip (short) - filmed Country Road 12 (short) - filmed The Family Man (short) - filmed The Journeyers (feature) - optioned
That was sad. Good work getting so much across in such a short time. Again, I wish that you'd spend more time with her and less on traffic and others.
Get to the crux of the story, fast.
Spoilers
If that's her dad, why only throw a pic down?? Work on that part and this could be really special. Solid 3. If I could do 3.5 I would. This is slightly below the other 2 that got a 4 from me.
I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good. I enjoy writing the same. Looking to team with anyone!
A super clean read. The expression isn't dramatic enough though. Like: Why didn't she care before? And why then should I be touched by those people? There's just a dramatic element missing that makes us identify more and make them reasonable. Still, not bad. 3
Who knows what happens next or what has happened before (or why)? All these one-pagers are completely self-contained. Readers can infer certain things if they pay attention to what the writer has implied. This applies to a lot of scripts in this competition, which is what makes the one-page challenge so fascinating.
That said, I take this one at face value. It's poignant. Thumbs up.
Nice little tear jerker you got there. Is this a prequel to Eat Fresh by any chance? Before our homeless hero begins to devour souls on the subway? lol
Great job. This is one I'm putting on reserve until I review the others - definitely gets a 4, may get a 5 depending on the quality of the rest. Simple, yet moving, with the one line of dialogue being an extremely powerful statement.
One of the criteria I'm using in my head is to test if the story would be enhanced at 5 pages. This one doesn't need additional pages. The theme was conveyed perfectly, and there's a complete story within the 60 seconds of screen time.
And I won't penalize you for it writer, but please do me a favor and look up the origins of the term "Indian Giver"...