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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  A Generous Donation - WT - Filmed
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  Author    A Generous Donation - WT - Filmed   (currently 2961 views)
Don
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 11:26am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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A Generous Donation by Warren Duncan - Short, Drama - A homeless man receives a beautiful gift. 1 page - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work


Filmed as "Memories"



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  June 11th, 2019, 2:24pm
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khamanna
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 11:34am Report to Moderator
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Oh, Indian Giver, that was beautiful.
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Steven
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 11:37am Report to Moderator
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This was a good one.
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Gary in Houston
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 12:07pm Report to Moderator
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Not as enamored with this as the others here, but still a nice little story.

Best of luck,
Gary


Some of my scripts:

Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly
I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner
The Gambler (short) - OWC winner
Skip (short) - filmed
Country Road 12 (short) - filmed
The Family Man (short) - filmed
The Journeyers (feature) - optioned

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Zombie Sean
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 2:13pm Report to Moderator
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A wonderful, uplifting tale. I enjoyed this one a lot, too.
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MarkItZero
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 2:20pm Report to Moderator
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That was great. Simple, effective, moving. Think I'll learn from this one.


That rug really tied the room together.
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 2:44pm Report to Moderator
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This probably needs some more pages to do it justice, drama is difficult in one page.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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JEStaats
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 2:50pm Report to Moderator
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No sh*t, there I was....

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Now you've gone and got me all choked up. I guess that means it was a pretty damn good little short. Nicely done!
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ScottM
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 8:41pm Report to Moderator
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Wow, that last line gave me goosebumps!

For one page that’s impressive.


Any thoughts on my work in progress would be appreciated.

The Digger

http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1521688645/s-0/#num2
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DanC
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 2:36pm Report to Moderator
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That was sad.  Good work getting so much across in such a short time.  Again, I wish that you'd spend more time with her and less on traffic and others.

Get to the crux of the story, fast.

Spoilers

If that's her dad, why only throw a pic down??  Work on that part and this could be really special.  Solid 3.  If I could do 3.5 I would.  This is slightly below the other 2 that got a 4 from me.

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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PrussianMosby
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 3:20pm Report to Moderator
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A Generous Donation

A super clean read. The expression isn't dramatic enough though. Like: Why didn't she care before? And why then should I be touched by those people? There's just a dramatic element missing that makes us identify more and make them reasonable. Still, not bad.
3



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Stumpzian
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 5:14pm Report to Moderator
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Who knows what happens next or what has happened before (or why)?
All these one-pagers are completely self-contained. Readers can infer certain things if they pay attention to what the writer has implied. This applies to a lot of scripts in this competition, which is what makes the one-page challenge so fascinating.

That said, I take this one at face value. It's poignant. Thumbs up.




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RJP
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 10:30pm Report to Moderator
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Nice little tear jerker you got there. Is this a prequel to Eat Fresh by any chance? Before our homeless hero begins to devour souls on the subway? lol

Good job!
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ajr
Posted: April 4th, 2018, 7:04am Report to Moderator
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Great job. This is one I'm putting on reserve until I review the others - definitely gets a 4, may get a 5 depending on the quality of the rest.  Simple, yet moving, with the one line of dialogue being an extremely powerful statement.

One of the criteria I'm using in my head is to test if the story would be enhanced at 5 pages. This one doesn't need additional pages. The theme was conveyed perfectly, and there's a complete story within the 60 seconds of screen time.

And I won't penalize you for it writer, but please do me a favor and look up the origins of the term "Indian Giver"...

(0:

AJR


Click HERE to read JOHN LENNON'S HEAVEN https://preview.tinyurl.com/John-Lennon-s-Heaven-110-pgs/
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eldave1
Posted: April 4th, 2018, 10:11am Report to Moderator
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Very nice job here.

SPOILERS

I would shorten this up:


Quoted Text
“Dementia
sufferer. Please help. Any donations will be appreciated. I
won’t remember your face, but I will remember your
generosity. God bless you.


It's a really long sign.

That's a real nit issue I know.

I enjoyed this one - great work


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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FrankM
Posted: April 4th, 2018, 11:12am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from eldave1
It's a really long sign.

That's a real nit issue I know.


It didn't bother me.

Not uncommon to see two or three sentences scrawled on a piece of cardboard on a city street. Not sure who the intended audience is for those longwinded pleas, most people will decide to stop or walk past well before they finish reading.


Feature-length scripts:
Who Wants to Be a Princess? (Family)
Glass House (Horror anthology)

TV pilots:
"Kord" (Fantasy)
"Mal Suerte" (Superhero)

Additional scripts are listed here.
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CameronD
Posted: April 4th, 2018, 12:15pm Report to Moderator
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Sweet


http://www.TheFilmBox.org Movie reviews, news, and fun!
http://www.screenplaywritenow.com Write a screenplay. Write. Now.
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http://www.MyEasyGifter.com Because nobody likes receiving gift cards
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jayrex
Posted: April 4th, 2018, 4:23pm Report to Moderator
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Cut to three weeks earlier

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Touching, I like it.  Good job.


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LC
Posted: April 5th, 2018, 9:19am Report to Moderator
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An Indian Giver gives something then wants that same thing back.

She wants him back? She's going to take the photo back? I dunno. I'm getting all confused as to whether the title is apt or whether you got confused with your title's meaning.

It's a little too 'Hallmark card' for me. And yet...


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ajr
Posted: April 5th, 2018, 9:52am Report to Moderator
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I know the playground meaning of the term, however "Indian Giver" is a pejorative statement resulting from White settlers' misunderstanding of Native American culture.


Click HERE to read JOHN LENNON'S HEAVEN https://preview.tinyurl.com/John-Lennon-s-Heaven-110-pgs/
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ScottM
Posted: April 5th, 2018, 10:15am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC
An Indian Giver gives something then wants that same thing back.

She wants him back? She's going to take the photo back? I dunno. I'm getting all confused as to whether the title is apt or whether you got confused with your title's meaning.

It's a little too 'Hallmark card' for me. And yet...


You might be the one getting confused. The title is A Generous Donation. Indian Giver is the writer.

I thought that was clear.



Any thoughts on my work in progress would be appreciated.

The Digger

http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1521688645/s-0/#num2
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LC
Posted: April 5th, 2018, 10:16am Report to Moderator
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Right. Thank you. Clearly went off on a nonsensical tangent here.
Picking up on something Ajr mentioned, so...

I knew what the title was btw.



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Warren
Posted: February 27th, 2019, 3:31pm Report to Moderator
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A Generous Donation has been optioned to a student from the University of North Florida to be turned into a speculative commercial.


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Don
Posted: June 11th, 2019, 2:25pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Filmed



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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Philostrate
Posted: June 11th, 2019, 3:20pm Report to Moderator
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Well done, Warren. Congrats!


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Warren
Posted: June 11th, 2019, 4:58pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for getting this up so quick, Don. I thought it might only be up after the WT finished.

So this was actually a script that was written for the last WT, so the timing is pretty cool. It also ticks off one of my goals for the year to have at least 1 short filmed, so happy days.

It's also nice to have something a little lighter filmed for a change.

For what it is, I think they did a great job. I've literally seen someone tear up watching it so I guess the intent was achieved


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Warren
Posted: June 11th, 2019, 4:59pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Philostrate
Well done, Warren. Congrats!


Thanks, David. Appreciate it.


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Warren
Posted: June 12th, 2019, 6:57pm Report to Moderator
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Shameless bump because I know the timing is bad. I won’t bump it again, well maybe once more after the WT ends.


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ghost and_ghostie gal
Posted: June 17th, 2019, 8:03pm Report to Moderator
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Haha!  Glad you did or I would have missed the boat.   Turned out rather nicely.  Congrats Warren. -Andrea


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Warren
Posted: June 17th, 2019, 8:36pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks, Andrea


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Warren
Posted: May 16th, 2021, 7:43pm Report to Moderator
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I have quite a few shorts optioned at any time, but checking my IMDb this morning it shows a new credit with this going into pre-production once again.

Happy days


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LC
Posted: May 16th, 2021, 8:02pm Report to Moderator
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Congrats, Warren!


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Zack
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Quoted from Warren
I have quite a few shorts optioned at any time, but checking my IMDb this morning it shows a new credit with this going into pre-production once again.

Happy days


Congrats, Dude!
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