Hi Anthony,

I enjoyed it for what it was. Very similar in theme to the stuff I generally gravitate towards so it's right up my ally.

All the best.

Thanks Warren

Anthony, I thought this was great. Very clever, hard hitting, short,  creepy, horrific but not a gore fest. Definitely needs to be under the horror genre.

Nice one!

K.

Quoted from Don Lily by Anthony Cawood - Short, Drama - The purchase of a funeral plant has sinister undertones when it's final resting place is revealed. 2 pages - pdf, format Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Anthony,

the ending didn't shock me, but left me scratching my head. I don't think you have a story, you have what's called a "Hook". The Hook is suppose to grab our attention, and it leads some where. Your script stops right at the "Hook", I felt like the whole thing was an incomplete thought.

As it reads right now, Nathaniel isn't a character, he reads like a caricature of some one nefarious. When Nathaniel was speaking a bit esoterically, I knew right away you was going to kill the girl.

I agree with Gerlinde that every story needs to have a message. Maybe it's something that cannot be done in one page. But  I would add, at the very least a story should have a controlling idea. What is the controlling idea behind this script?


EricP

Kirsten, Eric, thanks for taking a read, much appreciated.