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Fading Numbers (currently 760 views)
Don
Posted: May 21st, 2018, 3:58pm
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So, what are you writing?
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Fading Numbers by Sean Ryan - Short, Drama - An elderly woman recalls her experiences of the holocaust. 16 pages
contest: British Short Screenplay Competition - Runner Up, Gimme Credit Contest - Finalist, The Movie Deal! Screenplay Contest - Winner, Winner Write Movies A/Exposure - Monthly Winner - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
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Revision History (1 edits)
Don - May 22nd, 2018, 4:53pmrevised draft
Warren
Posted: May 24th, 2018, 7:47pm
Of The Ancients
A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
Location Sydney, Australia
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Hi Sean,
Quoted Text
INT. SMALL HOUSE - NIGHT - FLASHBACK/POLAND/1941
I'd recommend putting the country and year in a super if you want the audience to see it, so:
SUPER: POLAND 1941
Quoted Text
The room is overcrowded with people asleep on makeshift beds.
People needs to be capitalised, all character introductions require capitalisation.
Excellent tension on pages 1 and 2.
About 6 named characters before the end of page 3, hopefully it doesn’t get too confusing.
Quoted Text
SASHA/YOUNG ALEXANDRA
In your software there should be an option for dual dialogue, it formats it in a neater way than just putting a slash.
So I'd be lying if I said all the characters, and there really are a lot, didn’t get confusing. I think I managed to stick with who was who though.
It’s really well written and the things I pointed out are really minor nit-picks.
Story wise, it almost feels like a feature contained within 16 pages. It’s a big story.
I really enjoyed it and can understand why it has done well in contests.
Congrats.
Revision History (1 edits)
Warren - May 25th, 2018, 12:33am
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DanielW
Posted: May 25th, 2018, 8:16pm
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Location Melbourne, Australia
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Sean, This is a great story. It is an emotional read, right to the end. It's hard to believe that stories like this actually happened less than 80 years ago. Well done. Daniel
Reply: 2 - 3
Seansshack
Posted: May 31st, 2018, 4:00am
Thanks, it's one of my shorts that I would love to build into a feature. I did approach the film board here to fund development, but being a nobody they had no interest. I based the story of true accounts I read online and tracked down the women who stories I had read and influenced it. Traveled to Canada and met them, introduced them to my family. Really surreal experience. I'm still in email contact with one of them, who is now 90. Maybe I really do need to write this as a feature.
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