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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Dreams
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Don
Posted: August 16th, 2018, 8:20am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Dreams by Gianluca Di Tullio - Short, Drama - {no logline} 6 pages - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work


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Zack
Posted: August 16th, 2018, 12:08pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Gianluca,

Gave this a quick peak and though I'd give my two cents.

First off, no logline is a HUGE issue. That's your first chance to grab a readers interest. A bad logline is better than no logline at all.

Once I opened the script up, a whole new set of issues popped up. This needs a serious rewrite, I'm afraid. Tons of issues throughout the first page alone. Why are there no periods? Sorry, but i won't continue beyond that. If you do a rewrite and fix this, PM me and I'll give this another shot.

Zack
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