SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 7:48am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Alone
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 2 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Alone  (currently 493 views)
Don
Posted: October 27th, 2018, 11:22am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Alone by Kate Afable - Short, Drama - Two introverts who wants to connect in real life. 6 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
jayrex
Posted: October 27th, 2018, 12:24pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Cut to three weeks earlier

Location
London, UK
Posts
1420
Posts Per Day
0.22
Gave this a read as it’s got the same title as one of mine.

It’s okay.  You’ve managed to convey the character’s loneliness.

I wouldn’t write the word intelligent as you can’t see this.  You also don’t have to write about the previous scene when Alice bumps into Harry when we’re following Harry.  I get it without the helpful note.

I do wonder if the characters are lonely in the end.  Was it a daydream by Harry?  I think so when Alice looks up and he’s disappeared.  I’m just not sure.

The overall ending.  Not sure about the way it ended.  A good start.  I feel the ending could be stronger.

All the best.


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 1 - 1
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Drama Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006