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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Dramedy Scripts  ›  The Hole
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Don
Posted: October 13th, 2017, 4:11pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Hole by Samuel Ashurov - Short, Dramedy - While hanging out and drinking at their favorite spot, three teenage friends talk about life and find themselves in the very place that they are. 18 pages - pdf, format

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HyperMatt
Posted: November 25th, 2017, 1:45pm Report to Moderator
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I didnít really feel for this piece, but that could be because I am not a 19 year old who can relate to these characters.
It is formatted well for the most part, and I did not see any typos.
It felt to me like part of a bigger script, than a short in itself. Maybe that is because of the length. I think ideally for the 3 scenes that make up the script, it should be more like 1-8 pages.
The middle part in Daveís House, is the meatiest part for me, where some philosophical questions are raised.
I would break down your action paragraphs a bit, especially the first ones, they should really be no longer than 4, aim for 2, it helps the flow.
'Beat' should be parenthetical I believe. And it's a direction that you use quite a lot. Try to find other devices to break the conversations.
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Marty
Posted: November 27th, 2017, 3:30pm Report to Moderator
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Samuel,

To reiterate what Matthew is saying.

A beat or Beat can be used in the instance you present it with.

Taylor Sheridan uses it a lot. Derek Kolstad too.

Some hate it and others really hate it.

I would say, 7 times in a ninety page script and it would go almost unnoticed.
But in a nineteen page script, people will tend to pick at it.

You have lots of dialogue and not a lot of action. So the suggestion of finding different ways to break up the dialogue instead of using a beat, is a good one.

Keep working at it.

All the best,
Marty
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HyperMatt
Posted: November 27th, 2017, 4:25pm Report to Moderator
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I've never liked the Beat tool myself.

I have only used it once and it did feel unnatural.
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Dustin
Posted: November 28th, 2017, 3:41am Report to Moderator
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I'm from the UK so we'd use 'Pause' anyway... and I have used this rarely. I've never used 'Beat'.

If you're going to use either then as suggested you should do so sparingly.
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