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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Dramedy Scripts  ›  A Day in the Life of a Bike Messenger
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  Author    A Day in the Life of a Bike Messenger  (currently 892 views)
Don
Posted: July 23rd, 2018, 9:57am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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A day in the life of a bike messenger by Fausto Lucignani - Short, Dramedy - A  bike messenger juggles the deadly traffic of Manhattan, his duty to make timely deliveries to his disparate customers and the need to bolster his finances. 7 pages

production: Inexpensive production. Four actors. Internal and external locations. Ability to ride a bike. - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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jayrex
Posted: July 23rd, 2018, 11:49am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Cut to three weeks earlier

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Just gave this a quick read.

It�s not quite the payoff I was expecting.

I do question why the messenger would know the contents for the first delivery.  And be invited in.  Also why he�d give his name.  I can�t imagine any other delivery person would give their name.

It�s fairly quick to read.  Just needs some work for a payoff.

Edit: hmmm I skimmed over the title...


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Fausto
Posted: July 28th, 2018, 1:52pm Report to Moderator
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Hi JayRex,
thank you for reading my script. In the first delivery, the messenger knew about the content of the package because it was a medicine from the doc and he had to deliver it to that old person.
Same messengers give their names, some don't. Usually, when they give their names they establish a friendly relationship that eventually translates into a tip. The old lady wanted to tip but he refused because she was poor and old. I will work on the script. In my view, it has good potential for expansion.
My best,
Fausto
P.S. Please say hi to Mrs. May for me.

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