SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is September 22nd, 2018, 9:03am
Please login or register.
Was PortalRecent PostsHome Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration

The Night Gallery 7 Week Challenge
has begun!

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Horror  ›  Ding Dong Ditch
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Ding Dong Ditch  (currently 1584 views)
Don
Posted: February 10th, 2017, 6:43pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
12631
Posts Per Day
1.96
Ding Dong Ditch by Zack Akers - Short, Horror - A game of Ding Dong Ditch gets dark, quick. 5 pages

production One location, Two actors, Low/micro-budget - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit http://www.simplyscripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  August 25th, 2018, 10:08am
revised draft
Logged
Site Private Message
Zack
Posted: February 11th, 2017, 3:05pm Report to Moderator
Yellow


Don't get it right, get it written.

Location
Independence, Ky
Posts
2663
Posts Per Day
0.59
Thanks for getting this up, Don.

I wrote this one awhile back and have rewritten it more times than I can remember. Any reads would be much appreciated.

~Zack~


*NEW DRAFT*

DING DONG DITCH - (short,horror)
Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 27
eldave1
Posted: February 11th, 2017, 3:05pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
Southern California
Posts
3835
Posts Per Day
2.53
Zack - well written enough - just didn't do it for me.

SPOILERS

A guy's television watching is interrupted several times by someone he thinks is a prankster - turns out to be a murderer. Just truck me as horror for horror sakes.  There seems no reason for the killing other than randomness.



My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 2 - 27
Zack
Posted: February 11th, 2017, 3:13pm Report to Moderator
Yellow


Don't get it right, get it written.

Location
Independence, Ky
Posts
2663
Posts Per Day
0.59
Thanks for reading eldave1.

Can't really disagree with you about it being a random attack. I did try to give it some depth with the inclusion of the poem "Knock Knock Ginger"(which is actually where Door Bell Ditching originated), but perhaps I should add more. But then again, maybe horror for horror sake isn't such a bad thing.

With the bookend ending I was trying to insinuate that Matt was not the first victim of the night, nor the last.

Thanks for reading.

~Zack~


*NEW DRAFT*

DING DONG DITCH - (short,horror)

Revision History (1 edits)
Zack  -  February 11th, 2017, 7:05pm
Logged
Private Message Reply: 3 - 27
LC
Posted: February 11th, 2017, 8:42pm Report to Moderator
Yellow


Do you like to eat pie after a good movie?

Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
2809
Posts Per Day
0.77
Zack, my thoughts:


Matt notices a bloody serrated blade gripped in the Masked
Manís hand.


I always avoid writing: A character ('Matt notices').

I'd just write: 'Masked Man grips a bloodied serrated knife'. It's obvious the director would choose the POV of both or one of the characters, but likely flash between the two of them.

Also: 'Almost complete silence'
More effective if you get rid of the 'almost', then the chirp of the cricket.

I agree with Dave in that this needs more otherwise it's just a crazy guy slashing around the neighbourhood randomly.

Some irony is needed, some humour, some misdirection, imh. Perhaps (and I know this would be more characters) if kids come to the door first, (cause that is the origin of the game) if Matt sees kids running away after knocking - the kids giggling etc. Matt gets more and more annoyed, then expecting the next knock is the kids again and he's ready for them, but it's not kids this time.

There's one other thing you might also give some thought to and that is the fact Matt is a thirty year old guy and he puts up no fight whatsoever which made me think he's just a wimp/horror victim.

I like the Knock, Knock, Ginger verse, that's the central part of this that elevates it. As dialogue for him? I'm not sure...

You need a couple of kids, like I said, imh, as set up, and then turn it on its head. Not enough story for me otherwise or surprise.



Logged
Private Message Reply: 4 - 27
eldave1
Posted: February 11th, 2017, 8:49pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
Southern California
Posts
3835
Posts Per Day
2.53
Good suggestions, Libby. Maybe it a feigned attempt to scare the kids - he comes to the door with a kitchen knife screaming like a maniac - as they scatter away - says something to effect -yeah,  just what I thought. And the next visitor is you know who.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 5 - 27
Zack
Posted: February 11th, 2017, 8:52pm Report to Moderator
Yellow


Don't get it right, get it written.

Location
Independence, Ky
Posts
2663
Posts Per Day
0.59
Thanks for reading LC.

Some really good ideas guys. You're giving me a lot to think about.

I really like the idea of the kids being caught running away.

I appreciate all this advice. Thank you.

~Zack~


*NEW DRAFT*

DING DONG DITCH - (short,horror)
Logged
Private Message Reply: 6 - 27
StevenClark
Posted: February 12th, 2017, 12:22am Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
Upstate NY
Posts
1713
Posts Per Day
0.83
Zack,

Agree with Libby on your character's age. I actually didn't notice until she brought it up, now I'm thinking a crusty guy in his 60s might do. I think also that Matt needs to "deserve" his death. Perhaps that phone call could mean more?

Anyway, well written and I kinda liked it the way it is. Easy enough to film, and creepy recitation of the poem. Good luck with it!

Steve


Logged
Private Message Reply: 7 - 27
Zack
Posted: February 12th, 2017, 12:29am Report to Moderator
Yellow


Don't get it right, get it written.

Location
Independence, Ky
Posts
2663
Posts Per Day
0.59
Thanks for giving this a look. I always tend to write with a very low budget in mind. It's a bad habit.

I thought about having Matt be a grumpy old man. I've got a lot to consider with this rewrite. Thanks again Steven.

~Zack~


*NEW DRAFT*

DING DONG DITCH - (short,horror)
Logged
Private Message Reply: 8 - 27
stebrown
Posted: February 12th, 2017, 1:59pm Report to Moderator
Green



Location
Newcastle, England
Posts
958
Posts Per Day
0.25
Hey Zack, I liked this script, it was a quick, fun, homage to the slasher genre.

I'm not sure if any of your parentheticals are needed - there are two 'under his breath' which I don't think is really important and a 'panicked' which, due to the huge knife in front of him, doesn't really need to be spelled out. Not a huge thing but, personally, I think you can lose them.

Not a lot more to say as I do like it but I guess the only problem is it is a homage to a genre and due to that it doesn't feel like anything new. I think if you could take it down a surprising route it would improve the script. Maybe take it down the comedy/parody route and the neighborhood watch crew come up with a plan to catch him. Or another idea, follow the masked guy as he gets home, takes his mask off, settles down to watch the game, then.... the doorbell rings.

Good work mate,

Ste


Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 9 - 27
Zack
Posted: February 12th, 2017, 3:37pm Report to Moderator
Yellow


Don't get it right, get it written.

Location
Independence, Ky
Posts
2663
Posts Per Day
0.59
Thanks for the read and suggestions. I've got some really cool ideas on where to take this with the rewrite.

~Zack~


*NEW DRAFT*

DING DONG DITCH - (short,horror)
Logged
Private Message Reply: 10 - 27
MarkItZero
Posted: February 12th, 2017, 5:53pm Report to Moderator
Green



Posts
658
Posts Per Day
0.75
Not really a fan of this but it'd definitely be easy to make. I didn't understand the point of having him as a grumpy football fan. Seemed like you were taking it the comedy route. If you wanna go that way, I'd go all out and follow stebrown's last suggestion.

Otherwise, I'd try and set it up so he's actually waiting/expecting someone in particular. Maybe he has an ex-wife stalker and he's on the phone with her telling her she has to stop. And she's denying she's been ringing his doorbell even as it keeps ringing... okay, I dunno where I'm going with that exactly. Just some way to twist expectations and keep us in the dark beyond the inevitable of someone showing up at the door.


That rug really tied the room together.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 11 - 27
Dreamscale
Posted: February 12th, 2017, 8:36pm Report to Moderator
Blue


Yes, that is my real hair...

Location
Cave Creek, AZ
Posts
10237
Posts Per Day
2.59
Not a fan here, either, sorry to say.

Writing is not great...lots of little mistake all over and the writing itself just isn't visual enough for this to pack any punch.

The Protag goes down without even a fight, so you lose on the opportunity for something interesting and engaging.

Something so short should be written without mistakes, but there are just too many here for me to get involved.

Sorry, Zack.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 12 - 27
Zack
Posted: February 12th, 2017, 8:39pm Report to Moderator
Yellow


Don't get it right, get it written.

Location
Independence, Ky
Posts
2663
Posts Per Day
0.59
No need to apologize Jeff. Thanks for giving it a try.

Curious, you say it's riddled with mistakes? Where? I truly want to know so I can fix them.

~Zack~


*NEW DRAFT*

DING DONG DITCH - (short,horror)
Logged
Private Message Reply: 13 - 27
ChrisBodily
Posted: February 13th, 2017, 1:00am Report to Moderator
Purple



Posts
420
Posts Per Day
0.29
Big fan of this, Zack.

Some compound words, you've written as two words. e.g. "bull shit" could just as easily be "bullshit."

Your "MYSTERY P.O.V." answered a question I was thinking about asking on the forums. I'm planning on writing one for my own slasher; no one's really there, but I want to create this paranoia.

Other than the compound words, I don't see a whole lot wrong, formatting-wise.

Never heard of that poem, but I like how it shows that this guy is a madman.

Good job.


FADE IN:
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 14 - 27
 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Horror  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006