Death By IQ by Dustin Bowcott - Short, Sci-Fi/Dystopian Drama - A couple must part when one of them fails an IQ test. 3 pages

production: 3 pages. One location. - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Ooh, I like this Dustin. If anything I wanted more.

... tries to fathom what could have went wrong.

I personally would write this as: what could have gone wrong.

Great little story.

Hey, Dustin.

Nice to see your work up on boards again.

It was a neat little piece and I was very interested to see how it ended. You didn't leave us a doubt he was unable to pass the test - maybe you could show us it's going well at some point - would add more suspence to this. I know he retook the test, but I was somehow sure he wouldn't pass it.

I wish you clarified this moment for me - she says there he would be allocated someone else. but at the same time I got that they were going to kill him.

It's a very good concept and much like Libby I wanted more. I even think a feature.

Excellent story! I agree with KH, you can build a feature with this premise. To be sincere, this is not my genre but I recognize what it's good...and this is good.
All my best with it.
Fausto

Some notes.

A nice premise.  Couples with sufficient IQ can have babies and a controlled life.  Don't see how the stupid live.

And she wants out.  

You might consider giving us a bit more info.  Can certainly understand her desire to be free, but free to do what?  It might benefit from a bit more.

But it makes a statement.

Best
Richard

Dustin,

I like the premise - dystopian future, constant government monitoring (assuming that’s who it is) with mandatory IQ tests to weed out those deemed unintelligent.

It’s a big idea for 3 pages, one I wanted to know more about.  The question of what happens if you fail gives it that drive but (for me) there’s just not much as to the ‘why’ on Jessica’s part.  What if we were to see Jessica’s daily pressures - something to give us a better understanding of what this world is like that she would choose death by IQ as an alternative to family life?  As it stands her choice feels somewhat selfish - I mean, the kids seem happy enough in this world.  Why are they constantly monitored?  What can’t they say or do?  It’s a strong concept which could carry a lot more emotional heft.  

Steve