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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Thriller Scripts  ›  The Apartment
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Don
Posted: January 11th, 2015, 9:21am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Apartment by Brandi Self  - Short, Thriller - A technology obsessed couple show up to their sublet in a new city, but soon notice that something about the apartment is terribly off - putting. 11 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  October 6th, 2017, 3:30pm
revised drft
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JakeJon
Posted: August 28th, 2017, 7:08pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Brandi,
This read like it was going to be fun stuff.   What happened to pages 3-9 ?

JJ
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B Self
Posted: October 7th, 2017, 3:35pm Report to Moderator
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Hi JJ,

Apologies for the delay, I just got my login for discussions.  Not sure what happened, it was in perfect format before I uploaded (final draft PDF).  I sent a request to replace it and it should be up shortly.

Thanks for your interest in reading and your patience!

B. Self
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Don
Posted: October 8th, 2017, 9:08am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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FTP problems, again.  I've fixed the issue and you can read the script.

Apologies,

Don


Visit http://www.simplyscripts.com for what is new on the site.


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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khamanna
Posted: October 8th, 2017, 1:23pm Report to Moderator
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Hey,

The beginning and the middle are very funny and work very well.

I'm not sure about the ending. They started "seeing" each other and then went back to looking for ways out to hook to the world. Also the very end - it's quirky but somehow too sarcastic. Maybe they get hooked on and people don't recognize them? Or already buried them and have memorial service. Online memorial service or something. Just tossing the ideas out there.
I wish the ending has to do with the online world I guess.
But very funny script nonetheless and an engaging read.
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