SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 7:24am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Thriller Scripts  ›  The Window
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    The Window  (currently 938 views)
Don
Posted: October 15th, 2017, 3:50pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
The Window by Fausto Lucignani - Short, Drama - A middle-aged, married man and a younger, single woman struggle to plan a future together.  6 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
JakeJon
Posted: October 16th, 2017, 10:43am Report to Moderator
January Project Group


Location
NewJersey
Posts
187
Posts Per Day
0.07
Fausto,

I can't believe I didn't see that coming, so Bravo I guess.  That was a very scary time for those of us living in the US, NYC metropolitan area.  Uncomfortable to revisit.  So it "got" me.

A few touch up's maybe:

Pg. 2  How long I have to wait?      . . . do I have to wait?
Pg. 3  Love never change.              . . . never changes.
Pg. 4 What you want me to do?      . . . .do you want me to do?

Pg. 4  I think you should omit "tween"  (or twin if that's what you meant).

Regards,

JJ




Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 8
Fausto
Posted: October 16th, 2017, 4:59pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
New Jersey
Posts
193
Posts Per Day
0.06
JJ,
thank you very much for your corrections. It's my fault...I rushed the rewrite. Regarding 9/11, I was there, I was working at 7WTC...we were evacuated late in the morning. In the afternoon, the building collapsed. Thanks again.
My best,
Fausto
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 8
DanielW
Posted: October 17th, 2017, 6:19am Report to Moderator
New



Location
Melbourne, Australia
Posts
68
Posts Per Day
0.03
Fausto,

I like the idea you came up with.
I couldn't help but think of this as a possible feature length drama and this is the final scene.      
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 8
Fausto
Posted: October 17th, 2017, 9:14am Report to Moderator
New



Location
New Jersey
Posts
193
Posts Per Day
0.06
Daniel, thank you for your reading. Your comment is encouraging!
I'll think about it.
My best,
Fausto
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 8
Roy
Posted: October 17th, 2017, 12:17pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
12
Posts Per Day
0.00
Ending surprised me... (Spoilers)

I really thought Andrew was going to push her out the window. I like the conflicting dynamic of emotions. The downside for me was I didn't really like the characters because of their infidelity, so the ending wasn't as impactful in this regards.  Like mentioned above, this feels like a piece of something larger.

Also can't imagine what you went through being in wtc 7  that day and that collapse still has me confused...
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 8
Fausto
Posted: October 17th, 2017, 1:45pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
New Jersey
Posts
193
Posts Per Day
0.06
Hi Roy,
you are not the only one to be confused by the collapse of 7WTC. The truth is that the building contained a large deposit of oil used to warm up the building. When the incandescent debris from the other two buildings penetrated my building, the oil caught on fire and the structure just liquefied and collapsed. We were let go late in the morning (thank God). It was unbelievable. I saw people jumping off the windows to their deaths. Thank you for reading my short script.
My best,
Fausto
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 8
RichardR
Posted: October 19th, 2017, 11:23am Report to Moderator
Been Around


Posts
889
Posts Per Day
0.26
Fausto,

Some notes.

I think you get a bigger payoff, if you delay the ending for a few seconds.  Have them spot the plane in the distance, and remarking that it's out of the usual flight pattern.  He'll turn any moment.  But he doesn't  
He's not going to turn.
OH GOD!
I LOVE YOU.

It just seem abrupt to me.

Best
Richard
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 7 - 8
Fausto
Posted: October 20th, 2017, 6:58am Report to Moderator
New



Location
New Jersey
Posts
193
Posts Per Day
0.06
Hi Richard,
as always, I appreciate your suggestions. The problem I had when I wrote the script was that I had to imagine what it would have happened in that tragic moment. From the window of my office at 7WTC, I saw the plane approaching at great speed but it was a matter of split seconds before it hit the tower. I am not sure if the people at the window realized what was going on. I'll make the change as soon as the submissions reopen. Thanks again.
My best,
Fausto
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 8
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Thriller Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006