Evil In The Eye by Darren J Seeley - Thriller - A tornado traps three people in a damaged building of which there is no escape.  The killer wakes up first. 86 pages - pdf, format

Hey Darren,

Read five pgs.

The whole "Crimewatch" segment you have going on there needs a bit more work. For instance, try adding dialogue during and in between the scenes. You're purpose is to tell Alex's story. However, we, the reader, are presented with only images that only tell part of the story. Try using officers and Sarah to help explain and tell whats going on in those scenes. Shows like 24 or America's Most Wanted use this style where they intercut scenes with interviews with people who are related to the crime. Copy them. Hope this makes sense.  

I'm still going to read more but just needed to get his down.

Hope this helps for now,
Gabe