Very nicely written, easy to follow structure, interesting plot that moves along at a decent pace and always had me wondering what was going to happen next. Story didn't feel entirely original, felt like there were elements borrowed from other films, plus the main characters were lacking a bit of depth but I could understand what their overall motivations were.
My main criticisms are of the third act and climax which were a little underwhelming. Having finally established that Dr Richards was the main antagonist it wasn't clear what his evil plan was and how this would impact on Taylor and Brandon. There just seemed to be a lot of exposition that didn't suggest anything concrete. Plus, even if this evil plan was revealed, it was snuffed out almost immediately by the police officer before you had the chance to build any tension, before the audience had a chance to ask: Will they escape? How will they escape? Everything was resolved a little too quickly.
The resolution of Taylor's story didn't feel complete either, she's the main character but there was no suggestion as to what was going to happen to her next, or how the rest of her life was going to pan out. Has she now reconciled with her father? And is she really not going to do anything about the Omega company? And as for Brandon going from intern to CEO in no time at all, that seems unlikely and a bit too Hollywood cliche.
Overall though, a decent read, a lot of positives, I wouldn't have made it to the end otherwise! Keep up the good work!