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Relative Sanity by Charles Anthony Musgrove - Thriller, Psychologial , Supernatural - Four strangers with mental illness set out to find their sanity only to discover their issues are connected by something more supernatural. 247 pages - pdf, format
250 pages sort of got my attention (not in a good way), so I opened the script knowing that there would be obvious problems.
I immediately noticed camera directions throughout, as well as crazy long action descriptions. I'm not suggesting that paring down both of those will reduce the script to an acceptable industry length (less than 125 pages), but it would help, and would also be a solid exercise.
This is a book adaptation, so you're going to have to eliminate parts of the book to make it work. A tough chore, but that's why it's often said that, "The book was better than the movie."
'Adapting a book into a screenplay means to change one (a book) into the other (a screenplay), not superimpose one onto the other. Not a filmed novel or a filmed stage play. They are two different forms. An apple and an orange.' - Chapter 11: Adaptation, Screenplay by Syd Field.
I read only a couple of pages and I liked the style of writing. Nice, interesting sentences. True, your action lines are super long. Having read several Peaky Blinders scripts, I don't find it completely unacceptable, but it's much easier on a reader if the action and dialogue lines are, say, only four lines. I think the title Relative Sanity is superb. I'm hoping to be back when I have time and read more of the script.
I think the script has a hell of starting, Not cliche at all for an horror movie, yet the byplay and the twist of the plotline heading is thick and confuse. Anyway ii took my chances and do not regret. keep on Charles.
Anthony the starting of your script really caught up my attention. its visceral and bloody realistic involving the situation of a child abused and the character of the thug abuser. Any way the length its not so well meddling with a straight plotline, It become confuse and overload with fictionalo images, in fact it's detaching from the sound and sadistic flavor has the opening of the work. anyway if have something else to show us you can email me to email@example.com or find me here at simplyscripts through my script 'On the Road.'