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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Thriller Scripts  ›  Relative Sanity Moderators: bert
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  Author    Relative Sanity  (currently 205 views)
Don
Posted: November 27th, 2017, 5:17pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Relative Sanity by Charles Anthony Musgrove - Thriller, Psychologial , Supernatural - Four strangers with mental illness set out to find their sanity only to discover their issues are connected by something more supernatural. 247 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  December 2nd, 2017, 10:34am
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HyperMatt
Posted: November 27th, 2017, 6:26pm Report to Moderator
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If it is traditionally 1 page per minute. This script is 4 hours and 10 minutes!
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eldave1
Posted: November 29th, 2017, 12:31pm Report to Moderator
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Yes - it's a non starter at that length


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Bogey
Posted: November 29th, 2017, 2:06pm Report to Moderator
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Charles-

250 pages sort of got my attention (not in a good way), so I opened the script knowing that there would be obvious problems.

I immediately noticed camera directions throughout, as well as crazy long action descriptions. I'm not suggesting that paring down both of those will reduce the script to an acceptable industry length (less than 125 pages), but it would help, and would also be a solid exercise.

This is a book adaptation, so you're going to have to eliminate parts of the book to make it work. A tough chore, but that's why it's often said that, "The book was better than the movie."

Good luck.
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HyperMatt
Posted: November 29th, 2017, 6:46pm Report to Moderator
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'Adapting a book into a screenplay means to change one (a book) into the other (a screenplay), not superimpose one onto the other. Not a filmed novel or a filmed stage play. They are two different forms. An apple and an orange.'  - Chapter 11: Adaptation, Screenplay by Syd Field.
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Marcela
Posted: December 5th, 2017, 4:34pm Report to Moderator
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I read only a couple of pages and I liked the style of writing. Nice, interesting sentences. True, your action lines are super long. Having read several Peaky Blinders scripts, I don't find it completely unacceptable, but it's much easier on a reader if the action and dialogue lines are, say, only four lines. I think the title Relative Sanity is superb. I'm hoping to be back when I have time and read more of the script.


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FrankH
Posted: December 10th, 2017, 5:31pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Charles Anthony,

Title and logline caught my attention.

I guess I didn't pay attention to the page count before I opened the script.

IMO, the scripts needs to go on a diet, maybe 50% trimming.

I did read a couple of pages, overly detailed, lots of directions (leave that up to the director), telling us more than showing us and lots of unnecessary capped words.

I would protect the script (copyright) and remove any version numbers and date on the 1st page.

Good luck,
Frank


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PabloM
Posted: December 14th, 2017, 2:38pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Don
Relative Sanity by Charles Anthony Musgrove - Thriller, Psychologial , Supernatural - Four strangers with mental illness set out to find their sanity only to discover their issues are connected by something more supernatural. 247 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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PabloM
Posted: December 14th, 2017, 2:41pm Report to Moderator
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I think the script has a hell of starting, Not cliche at all for an horror movie, yet the byplay and the twist of the plotline heading is thick and confuse. Anyway ii took my chances and do not regret. keep on Charles.
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