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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Thriller Scripts  ›  Excursion Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: October 7th, 2018, 3:02pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Excursion by Aidan Cross - Thriller, Drama - This surreal psychological thriller follows the life of a London businessman whose monotonous lifestyle is disrupted by increasingly strange events until he finds himself forcibly extracted from his regular surroundings and manipulated by terrifying forces beyond his control. 155 pages - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work


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Anon
Posted: October 7th, 2018, 4:40pm Report to Moderator
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I�m no format Nazi. But ... if this were formatted properly, it would be over 200 pages i�m Guessing. And there�s a lot of unnecessary description. The whole shower sequence could be cut and much more.

If the writer is looking for feedback - edit edit edit. You�ll find it tough to get reads if you don�t trim it down. Also - i�d Delete the 2014 draft date. People generally want to be reading a new or recently edited thing.

Good luck with it. As it stands I won�t read beyond 5 pages.
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