1952: Drummer Street

Short notes: Great character description, albeit probably still too long since little movement on screen during that timeframe it takes in. 7:30 is night? (not to me, interesting; need to look the common definition up one time) – consider that adjectives and adverbs are not your friend as a screenwriter. Subjects (nouns) and verbs are. Wait, this gets much better in that regard, so just look over p1. The stench is a problem if you experience how that topic works, you know. Probably it functions however here due to the audience's willingness to disbelief. You have many scene headings. If it's a one main location script, I would have preferred mini-slugs, personal taste but somehow convinced it would feel better, quicker. Otherwise, yuck and urgh, this hits hard. Ugly, let me out here. I didn't consider titles this time (so not going into pointings) cause I believe it's a craft on its own and needs massive thinking, a lot more than 60 whatever hours provide. Rethink that one. Make it fitting, dark, even very dark, ugly and mean as the script is. Stylish shit, writer. Partly a bit slow, but I see you know where to give it the last push. btw it's not my genre, so... a very good.

story (0-5): 5

character (0-5): 4

presentation (0-5): 4

total: 13

For those that say it's overwritten... bullshit. Yours are underwritten.

In terms of scene headings, that is the correct way to do them. The human mind reads bunches of words at once. A whole scene heading is read just as fast as a mini. Minis merely give the impression of speed which helps with action sequences. Anywhere else and they are being overused and incorrectly so.

I forgot to explain cheating the parameters. I did so because I don't believe in ghosts. You'll never see me write a spec involving magic or ghosts... because I find it silly. I need to be invested in the story to write it. I love horror, but it has to be real... even the vampires in this didn't have pointy teeth. That they didn't age as quickly is a small concession but does have some scientific backing:

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2012/oct/17/young-blood-reverse-effects-ageing

Haunted house isn't necessarily all on ghosts for me.

What other then should you call flicks like yours? Terror in a house… somewhat. To me it fits well since this neighborhood dinner was far out in the dark and had a kind of cult group of strange beings. The house didn't distinctly feel holy either.

Whatever, I trashed a lot of your scripts during the last years. Some not. Always hit and miss with you. Now you had the clearly superior one to me and it didn't work out.

Quoted from PrussianMosby Haunted house isn't necessarily all on ghosts for me.

I looked up the definition to see if I could get away with twisting it and it appeared I could, but not enough to get past one or two commenters that clearly stated I had broken the parameters.

Quoted Text What other then should you call flicks like yours? Terror in a house… somewhat. To me it fits well since this neighborhood dinner was far out in the dark and had a kind of cult group of strange beings. The house didn't distinctly feel holy either.

It's just a horror.

Quoted Text ... and it didn't work out.

It has worked out brilliantly. I have a great piece of writing that I can use as a sample of my work. I'm really proud of this script. My writing has matured quite a bit recently and this script reflects that. That I'm not through to the next round doesn't matter, I may have bailed anyway if given a silly subject matter.