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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    The 2018 Writers' Tournament  ›  Rover One - WT Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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  Author    Rover One - WT  (currently 2411 views)
Don
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 11:24am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Rover One by 0 - Short, Sci Fi, Comedy - An explorer on the dwarf planet Ceres obeys orders perfectly -- up to a point. - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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JEStaats
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 11:53am Report to Moderator
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No sh*t, there I was....

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Heh heh...very funny (after reading it twice and letting it sink in). Great job for a one-page comedy.
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Gary in Houston
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 12:00pm Report to Moderator
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Cocker-pit? Like a cocker spaniel pit bull mix?  Pretty good writing here, but wasn’t especially drawn to the story.  Still, not a bad effort.

Best of luck,
Gary


Some of my scripts:

Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly
I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner
The Gambler (short) - OWC winner
Skip (short) - filmed
Country Road 12 (short) - filmed
The Family Man (short) - filmed
The Journeyers (feature) - optioned

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eldave1
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 12:44pm Report to Moderator
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Writing was solid. I got a little confused on the action on screen vs planet - but did get there eventually.

Cute


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 2:16pm Report to Moderator
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Hmm, too me a mo to let this sink in and get it... but visually I can't see it at all.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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MarkItZero
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 3:00pm Report to Moderator
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Bit of a mixed bag. I had to read it twice but it's actually pretty funny once it sinks in.


That rug really tied the room together.
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khamanna
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 3:36pm Report to Moderator
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Not sure I got the joke but it might be because I'm international.
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ScottM
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 8:07pm Report to Moderator
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Think this one went a bit over my head; I read it twice and still didn’t quite get it. Probably says more about me than the writing.


Any thoughts on my work in progress would be appreciated.

The Digger

http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1521688645/s-0/#num2
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Warren
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 12:18am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


A man who has taught his mind to misbehave

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I don’t understand the significance of the English vs. American. I read the comments to try work it out and people mentioned having to let it settle. I had another read and I still don’t get it.

English breed dog vs. American breed dog?

The writing is good, no issues there.



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Zombie Sean
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 10:34am Report to Moderator
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I think I get it. But alas, I believe this one was a miss for me.
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Stumpzian
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 10:56am Report to Moderator
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A fun little joke tale, even though I'd normally turn my nose up at a dog-in-space story.
Last line would be better if it said, "We should have gone with the American breed," or some such.



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JEStaats
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 11:05am Report to Moderator
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No sh*t, there I was....

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An American breed would be a mutt... and mutts are so much more loyal;)
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PrussianMosby
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 4:01pm Report to Moderator
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Rover One

The humor didn't land for me here and there wasn't much flow in the plot. Overall presentation was pretty good, so still a
2



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ajr
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 4:11pm Report to Moderator
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I think the first slug line is incorrect - if we're on the planet then we can't be EXT. ASTEROID BELT.

I too had to read it a couple of times. I guess it's a play on the two uses of the word rover?

As a comedy it didn't hit the mark for me.


Click HERE to read JOHN LENNON'S HEAVEN https://preview.tinyurl.com/John-Lennon-s-Heaven-110-pgs/
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jayrex
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 4:30pm Report to Moderator
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Cut to three weeks earlier

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This one was humorous.  I like the idea behind it, even though it's impossible.  It's sci-fi and a comedy, it works for what it is.  Not serious, just plain old comedy.


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