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 A Samurai's Tale - WT (currently 1941 views) |
| Don |
| Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 11:25am |
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AdministratorAdministrator  So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16417 Posts Per Day 1.93 |
A Samurai's Tale by 0 - Short, Action, Drama - An Emperor threatens the peaceful existence of a former Samurai. - pdf, format
Writer interested in feedback on this work |
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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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| JEStaats |
| Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 12:26pm |
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Old Timer  No sh*t, there I was....
LocationTucson, AZ Posts1735 Posts Per Day 0.62 |
I'm a HUGE Samurai fan and... hmmm...was the page limit painful with this story? I can see where you wanted this to go (I think) and I think it would work if you had even just one more page. Great effort. |
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Reply: 1 - 22 |
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| eldave1 |
| Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 12:57pm |
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January Project Group 
LocationSouthern California Posts6874 Posts Per Day 1.94 |
Liked this one a lot. Writing was real solid - great twist |
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Reply: 2 - 22 |
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| PrussianMosby |
| Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 2:19pm |
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Posts1399 Posts Per Day 0.37 |
A Samurai's Tale
Same concept as "To the flame". Just not that well executed here imo. It's not self-aware enough, as the unsure genre-reference mirrors.
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Reply: 3 - 22 |
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| AnthonyCawood |
| Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 2:28pm |
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January Project Group 
LocationUK Posts4321 Posts Per Day 1.13 |
I'm torn on this one as I love Samurai genre, but wasn't sure of the ending for this, felt a little like the animated sequence in Kill Bill (which is probably inspired by something else)... decent effort. |
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Reply: 4 - 22 |
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| khamanna |
| Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 4:11pm |
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January Project Group 
Posts4195 Posts Per Day 0.79 |
Good work, but I wonder if you need a Samurai here at all. Seems to me the action is drawn around Emperor, Tio, and Adam, so I didn't get Samurai's significance in this story. |
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Reply: 5 - 22 |
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| PKCardinal |
| Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 4:14pm |
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January Project Group 
LocationKansas Posts1447 Posts Per Day 0.63 |
I liked it. Well written. Nice twist. Made me feel something, which is impressive for a one-pager. |
| PaulKWrites.com
60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature
The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature
Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror |
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Reply: 6 - 22 |
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| ScottM |
| Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 8:15pm |
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Posts49 Posts Per Day 0.02 |
Second one I've read like this, they’re probably linked.
Not bad, might have a bit of a think about this one. |
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Reply: 7 - 22 |
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| Zombie Sean |
| Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 12:39pm |
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Old Timer 
LocationColorado Posts1547 Posts Per Day 0.23 |
I liked this. Agree, it's a lot like To The Flame but it was still effective. I liked the last line of description, I feel it brings the whole story together. A kid gets inspired by a comic book that parallels with his situation. I'd like to see where this would go if you had 2 pages to work with. |
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Reply: 8 - 22 |
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| Stumpzian |
| Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 12:48pm |
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January Project Group 
LocationNorth Carolina Posts662 Posts Per Day 0.18 |
I don't think this needs anything else. Not another page, not more clarity. Thumbs up. |
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Reply: 9 - 22 |
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| jayrex |
| Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 4:41pm |
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Old Timer  Cut to three weeks earlier
LocationLondon, UK Posts1420 Posts Per Day 0.22 |
I enjoyed this. It felt like a lot was told with minimal effort. Nice ending. |
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Reply: 10 - 22 |
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| MarkItZero |
| Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 6:12pm |
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Old Timer 
Posts1007 Posts Per Day 0.35 |
This was like that other one with the spaceship. Except that was lighthearted and fun. This is actually pretty depressing. But I liked it! |
| That rug really tied the room together. |
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Reply: 11 - 22 |
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| Warren |
| Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 9:49pm |
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Of The Ancients  A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
LocationSydney, Australia Posts3897 Posts Per Day 1.35 |
This was enjoyable, similar the the Flame one, probably not a coincidence.
The writing is great. You can construct quiet a layered story using this 'through the eyes of a child' system. |
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Reply: 12 - 22 |
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| RJP |
| Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 10:12pm |
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Posts69 Posts Per Day 0.03 |
Maybe I missed something. If Adam is imagining killing his stepfather through the samurai world that lives in his head, maybe something non-samurai should be the murder weapon when we reveal that he's just a kid that lives in a trailer. Just a thought.
Overall, good job! |
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Reply: 13 - 22 |
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| SAC |
| Posted: April 4th, 2018, 6:40am |
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Of The Ancients  … but some dreams do
LocationUpstate NY Posts3207 Posts Per Day 0.78 |
Writer,
Not bad at all. More a complete story than I’ve read so far, and a good reveal as well. Good job. |
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Reply: 14 - 22 |
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