A Samurai's Tale by 0 - Short, Action, Drama - An Emperor threatens the peaceful existence of a former Samurai.  - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

I'm a HUGE Samurai fan and... hmmm...was the page limit painful with this story? I can see where you wanted this to go (I think) and I think it would work if you had even just one more page. Great effort.

Liked this one a lot. Writing was real solid - great twist

A Samurai's Tale

Same concept as "To the flame". Just not that well executed here imo. It's not self-aware enough, as the unsure genre-reference mirrors.
2

I'm torn on this one as I love Samurai genre, but wasn't sure of the ending for this, felt a little like the animated sequence in Kill Bill (which is probably inspired by something else)... decent effort.

Good work, but I wonder if you need a Samurai here at all. Seems to me the action is drawn around Emperor, Tio, and Adam, so I didn't get Samurai's significance in this story.

I liked it. Well written. Nice twist. Made me feel something, which is impressive for a one-pager.

Second one I've read like this, they’re probably linked.

Not bad, might have a bit of a think about this one.

I liked this. Agree, it's a lot like To The Flame but it was still effective. I liked the last line of description, I feel it brings the whole story together. A kid gets inspired by a comic book that parallels with his situation. I'd like to see where this would go if you had 2 pages to work with.

I don't think this needs anything else. Not another page, not more clarity. Thumbs up.

I enjoyed this.  It felt like a lot was told with minimal effort.  Nice ending.

This was like that other one with the spaceship. Except that was lighthearted and fun. This is actually pretty depressing. But I liked it!

This was enjoyable, similar the the Flame one, probably not a coincidence.

The writing is great. You can construct quiet a layered story using this 'through the eyes of a child' system.

Maybe I missed something. If Adam is imagining killing his stepfather through the samurai world that lives in his head, maybe something non-samurai should be the murder weapon when we reveal that he's just a kid that lives in a trailer. Just a thought.

Overall, good job!

Writer,

Not bad at all. More a complete story than I’ve read so far, and a good reveal as well. Good job.

Eh.

Quoted from CameronD Eh.

I hadn't picked up that Adam was Canadian

Liked it quite a bit. My first instinct was where did a kid get a sword, but I can buy into this more than I can the mental patient giving out the 20s. Solid 4.

I have to read this again after forty winks and come back to this...

Rover One, To The Flame, and A Samurai's Tale - all open with an altered reality - either of the imagination or fantasy. All are good scripts and all three would benefit from being filmed with at least partial animation, imho. Iron Egg: Origins, too - animation/claymation.

A Samurai's Tale - well done! We travel from the 'verdant hills' of Tokyo to the grim reality of a kid in a trailer home.

You took me on a solid journey with a one-pager. No easy task.

I didn't like this too much.  So he kills his stepdad and mom??  Why??  I'm confused.  It's a 3 from me.

Dan

Dan,

No, he kills his stepdad after his stepdad kills his mom, like in the story about the Warrior.

AJR

Quoted from ajr Dan, No, he kills his stepdad after his stepdad kills his mom, like in the story about the Warrior. AJR

Oh.  That's better.  It still needs to be cleaned up.  More pages will fix that.

Oh just realized an ewwwwwwwww  thing.  The samurai loves the woman in his story.  But, that woman turns out to be his mom.  Oedipus Rex going on here??  Gotta admit, it certainty becomes much darker.

Dan

Switching the loved-one's relationship didn't bother me. I just wondered where the hell he got his hands on a katana. Kitchen knife would have more sense to me, but I can understand the need to make the parallels absolutely clear in a one-page script.