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  Author    New Life - Short  (currently 1072 views)
Steven
Posted: December 14th, 2016, 11:01am Report to Moderator
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Been a while, but I updated the first handful of pages and am going a different route with this.


https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B_vHHlz3zmHYMWgwcHZ6OU9wdHM

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Steven  -  May 17th, 2017, 8:32am
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Herbert
Posted: December 15th, 2016, 12:18am Report to Moderator
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Hi, Steven.

I like the concept, and I like the ideas you’ve said you intend to explore later, however; some of the execution is strange so far.

The opening is too short, and lacks emotional impact. It feels like an average infomercial being used to sell an average product, when the product being advertised is, arguably, humanity’s greatest achievement.

The argument between the three characters doesn’t make sense to me. Who cares about the “appeal,” or the “relatability,” of the product? You’re selling immortality in bottled form. You don’t even need a commercial; this thing is more valuable than fire, it sells itself. I can understand Lloyd’s employer not wanting religious baggage attached to his product (that could just be a personal thing for later exploration), but Lloyd and Edward talk as if *implied* religious baggage (or the lack thereof, in Edward’s case) would stop people from buying *the* cure for death.
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Steven
Posted: December 15th, 2016, 12:46am Report to Moderator
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I agree with how this section lacks a serious tone, and I'll most likely change it.

To clarify, what this does is bring the person back to life, but there are rules.

-had to have died in a way that didn't cause great physical harm to the body. So gunshots to the heart or head would not be qualified, for example.

-they aren't brought back forever. Nothing weird happens, but we learn that some of the people brought back died again shortly after mysteriously, or they didn't come back at all.

I'm playing around with a lot and will be telling 3 separate stories, all of which is effected by this breakthrough in different ways.

Also, remember Vanilla Sky? Even that had a commercial for their Life Extension and different packages they offered. That's where I got that idea from.
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Herbert
Posted: December 15th, 2016, 1:51am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Steven


To clarify, what this does is bring the person back to life, but there are rules.

-had to have died in a way that didn't cause great physical harm to the body. So gunshots to the heart or head would not be qualified, for example.

-they aren't brought back forever. Nothing weird happens, but we learn that some of the people brought back died again shortly after mysteriously, or they didn't come back at all.



Oh, the advertising makes a lot more sense in that case. Playing to people''s emotions, ignoring the potential side effects of the drug, I like the idea.
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Steven
Posted: December 15th, 2016, 9:19am Report to Moderator
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After giving some thought, I'm going to remove the discussion of the advertisement. I'll show the actual commercial somewhere down the line.

I'm going to pause and actually create somewhat of an outline for this story since it is much larger in scope than my last attempt. This is what I already know, minus the character intricacies themselves.

-A husband and wife deal with the lose of a child. But he's brought back.
-The man who was the first person to be brought back and his struggle in dealing with everything. The side effects, the way he's treated by others, etc.

This entire screenplay will jump around between these two stories. I THINK I know what the ending will be (medicine doesn't last forever as the first recipient dies again, suddenly).

I think I want the little boy's journey through sickness/death/rebirth to coincide with the first recipient's journey, picking up with him when he is first brought back.

EDIT: Nevermind on the Baptist preacher story. I'm not a very religious person so it will be pretty hard for me to do the research needed to make him sound believable.

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Steven  -  December 15th, 2016, 9:42am
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Steven
Posted: December 15th, 2016, 10:31am Report to Moderator
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Here is what I have so far. Please note that I haven't come up with a name for the drug just yet, so the two places where it's mentioned are labeled with "XXXXX."

I'm debating just how far into the sci-fi realm I go with this, because I can easily turn this into something weird. But then again I like the drama with hints of sci-fi aspect.

Besides that, I'm thinking of side-effects with the drug, as people aren't really aware of any.

The first man to receive the drug "wakes up" just as the little boy in the story is getting sick. We follow the man's experiences and the side effects start to show. The only problem is that there is so much money generated from this drug, the powers that be don't want to pull it.

So by the end, we see all of these crazy side effects just as the little boy is about to get the drug himself.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B_vHHlz3zmHYNUNmSm9uWTBydlE
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eldave1
Posted: December 15th, 2016, 12:22pm Report to Moderator
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Steven, I think you have a golden premise. But I am not a fan at all of the execution.

You start with something akin to a discovery for the cure for cancer, who shot JFK, Aliens have landed - something really monumental and the character's reactions are like they just heard there's a better form of Viagra. The hospital scene with patient one not realistic in my view. This would be similar to the guy getting the first heart transplant - experts (Doctors, Scholars, Government Officials) around in the most modern lab available. The setting was more of a guy getting a pacemaker. Long winded way of saying you have a pedestrian set-up that does not do justice to the monumental medical break through you invented.

You might want to start the story much later - when the drug is already in common use. The actual invention of the thing is the least important aspect IMO. To me, the tensions would come from:

- With limited resources, who decides who gets the drug and who doesn't? Do the wealthy buy their way in to access? To people steal it.
- Is not reviving something akin to killing someone?
- The unknown side effects you already mentioned would be great stuff  
- What happens to the bodies while waiting - do they have to be taken to cyro stations to avoid deterioration? Are thousands of these built to serve humanity?
- Add a dude or gal that is trying to stretch the 48 hour limit - they want to see the face of God or confirm he does not exist.
- Is there rationing of the drug?

And dozens of other angles - don't waste pages on the roll-out of this drug - start us when it is already in common use and deal with the turmoil and moral questions that evolve from it's use.

Also found that the drug can heal you (one of the Doc says that) - then why aren't people going to take it before they die? I would get rid of that angle.



My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Steven
Posted: December 15th, 2016, 12:41pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the tips, and I agree largely.

You're right in saying that I started at the wrong point.

I don't want to start the story later, but I will start it after thousands of people have already been treated, I can still have this guy Robert be a focal point but he won't be the first patient.

In the first month of the drug reaching the public, you could easily assume that thousands across the country have already been treated.

The eye dis-colorization can still be there as well. When I was first thinking about this entire idea, the eye thing was going to be a way of letting the general public who was brought back to life. Some people will think it's wrong/scary/weird. So this happens to everyone that gets the drug.

No, this isn't some expensive type of medicine. It's only administered when a patient meets a specific criteria...which I haven't laid out just yet. Think of this similar to the defibrillator. Everyone WHO IS ELIGIBLE will have it used on them. If you're shot in the head, obviously it won't work.

So I'm thinking death by natural causes or a disease such as cancer, heart disease, aneurysm, etc. If you were in a horrific car crash, you probably won't be able to be treated. I'm debating if the elderly who die of old age should be treated also.

Then we have the "oh hey it healed you" thing. I still need to explain how the drug works, in a semi-realistic way. The first thing that comes to mind is that it's similar to an adrenaline shot to the heart after cardiac arrest. But this is intravenous and doesn't give you a huge rush.

I think it almost HAS to rid the body of whatever caused death in the first place. It's part of how it works, that way you don't just die right after coming back. A quick solution as to "why don't people take it as a preventative measure?" Well let's say they did, and nothing happened. Or it killed them, whatever. I'll come up with something. I could have a group that wants to steal the drug for this very reason.

One of the huge side effects is going to be that it doesn't last forever. Not everyone re-dies but a certain percentage will.

I want Roberts rebirth to start at the same time Martin, the little boy, gets sick. We follow each story, ultimately ending with Martin getting the drug and waking up. I'm still considering what happens with Robert along his journey. I want there to be something to make the audience think that whatever hope Martin has, they see what struggles Martin is going through day to day.
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eldave1
Posted: December 15th, 2016, 1:14pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted Text
The eye dis-colorization can still be there as well. When I was first thinking about this entire idea, the eye thing was going to be a way of letting the general public who was brought back to life. Some people will think it's wrong/scary/weird. So this happens to everyone that gets the drug.


I liked that angle.


Quoted Text
I think it almost HAS to rid the body of whatever caused death in the first place. It's part of how it works, that way you don't just die right after coming back. A quick solution as to "why don't people take it as a preventative measure?" Well let's say they did, and nothing happened. Or it killed them, whatever. I'll come up with something. I could have a group that wants to steal the drug for this very reason.


I don't think it has to. It just can't be used for anything that can't be repaired. So it's use is for death events - heart attack, aneurysm, gun shot,etc where they can repair the damage and then administer the drug. But not for incurable diseases or body parts that are obliterated. But whatever - do what you think works for your story.    


Quoted Text
One of the huge side effects is going to be that it doesn't last forever. Not everyone re-dies but a certain percentage will.


Like this.



My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Steven
Posted: December 15th, 2016, 1:18pm Report to Moderator
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Hmmmm OK. I like that idea of how the medicine is used.

If someone has a hole in their heart of a gunshot, they can just fix it while the person is dead, then give the drug.

But if the brain is destroyed, can't help them.

I'll probably explain this through a few lines of dialogue without getting too deep into it.
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Herbert
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Quoted from eldave1


I don't think it has to. It just can't be used for anything that can't be repaired. So it's use is for death events - heart attack, aneurysm, gun shot,etc where they can repair the damage and then administer the drug. But not for incurable diseases or body parts that are obliterated. But whatever - do what you think works for your story.    



I think there are two issues there, though;

1. You would need two sci-fi devices; one to repair the body tissue after death, and another for the actual resuscitation. This makes the titular drug feel less special (also, why not repair body tissue before death?).

2. It lessens part of what made the sci-fi concept interesting in the first place; the miraculous quality of the drug.

From what I recall, the rules are;

1. The drug will only work within the first 48 hours of death.

2. It doesn't heal people so much as just resuscitate them (Steven described it as akin to the defibrillator)

3. There's a 50-50 chance it won't work/won't last if it does work.

4. Only certain people are eligible.

Within these constraints, the drug strikes me as too close to the resuscitation methods we already have available in modern day; thus the concept loses some of its sci-fi appeal, and its 'miraculous' quality. All that really separates the two methods is their effectiveness after a certain time has past.

I would suggest allowing the drug to both heal, and resuscitate people. You could add a clause that it only works on dead bodies under certain conditions (maybe the body needs to be frozen within the first few hours of death, or something), and maybe giving it to live people overloads them.
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Steven
Posted: December 15th, 2016, 4:39pm Report to Moderator
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The only issue with it repairing people along with bringing them back to life is how does it work?

Like I said earlier, I'm leery as to how sci-fi I turn this. I could easy say yea, it heals you completely as well as brings you back to life.

Honestly, that is a little detail when it comes to the overall story. The main focal point is that there are side effects that no one expects. We see that through Robert.

On the other side, we have Martin. Typically if you see a dying kid in a movie, its completely sad and everyone cries. But there is something interesting in this due to the fact that his parents know, when he dies, however long and painful that is, he will come back within a short period of time, rid of all illness.

It's a little weird where the parents are hoping for their child to die, so he can come back to life again.

Also, I'm calling the company that manufactured the drug "New Life." That is until I come up with something a little more clever. I still need a medical name for the drug.

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Steven  -  December 15th, 2016, 5:06pm
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Steven
Posted: December 15th, 2016, 5:40pm Report to Moderator
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I'm done for today.

Changed some of the dialogue and introduced a new aspect.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B_vHHlz3zmHYb3UyTzc5NENZYzQ
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eldave1
Posted: December 15th, 2016, 7:42pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted Text
I think there are two issues there, though;

1. You would need two sci-fi devices; one to repair the body tissue after death, and another for the actual resuscitation. This makes the titular drug feel less special (also, why not repair body tissue before death?).

2. It lessens part of what made the sci-fi concept interesting in the first place; the miraculous quality of the drug.


There are all kind of additional sci-fi things you are going to need regardless. After 48 hrs the brain is dead, you have rigormortis, etc. That's why I had suggested (above) freeze stations or something that kept the body in the state is was at time of death. So, if the drug repairs plus reverses a dead brain and all the other deterioration after death - okay. But that still leaves you with a conundrum - if the drug also heals all ailments - why not just take it before death and get healed in the first place? If it only somehow works on a corpse - guess terminally ill people will be killing themselves to heal themselves.



My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Steven
Posted: December 15th, 2016, 8:21pm Report to Moderator
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Hmm this is true.

Crazy thought.

What if instead of bringing them back to life, they're cloning them. But not telling the patient. (Inception sound)

Too much like Moon?
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