I read the first ten pages... Just so you have an idea what questions popped into my head after reading the premise. Would the descriptions of the characters description in the premise, which I liked, come across in the description, dialogue and actions of the character?
I think the only character that came across was the hitman, while all reacted to Tammy and the gun only Iron and Luis showed character, IMO. Once inside the hitman admired a gun. But what about Leo how do I know he's a professor and how do I know Candy is stripper? Her name is Candy but I only know that because the script says so where in the story does it show.
Anyway, good luck on this.