Mr. Green by Jay Corona - Short - Mr. Green meets a Man in a suit. 2 pages - doc, format

Wow, this is really short. Lol. It's an interesting piece, and, unless you already explained this in your script and I missed something, I'm confused on what is going on. This guy knows everything about Mr. Green. How? But it's an okay script. I'm not sure, but I think it needs more explanation to it. Just a suggestion...

Sean

EXTREME short.  lol see the thing here is this:  in my video media production class we had to make a 2 minute short without violence, cussing, drugs, booze (all the good stuff).  and it had to be mostly dialogue.  and i realized that it might be interesting to tell the short story thorugh the dialogue of the disgruntled man in suit.  in the end, i added a FADE TO BLACK and then a gunshot noise.  that would've explained more had it been in teh script.

I kind of see what you were trying to do here, but it fell a little short.  Expanding it would do it a lot of good.  You need to build suspense instead of just cutting to the chase.  It's too short to develop any opinion regarding Green, either good or bad.

At the very beginning, you describe Green as 'a gambler and horsetrack extraordinaire.'  This is improper scriptwriter.  You have to explain characters by either dialogue or actions (preferably the latter).  Describe things only as they can be recorded by the camera.


Phil

thanks dogglebe.  but one thing: it CANT be expanded.  lol- it was the rules.  it had to be this length.

which game is this from?


Phil

not a game.  rules as in a two minute film for class. teach demanded that it had to be 2 minutes

Okay I read it, Jay, but remember that a 1 minute or 30 seconds script are enouth to tell any story (mainly in advertasing). Take a look at my Mums in the Zoo, as an example (I'm no saying it is good or bad)

Good attempt, anyway,.

Being that this script is entirelt dialogue and no action, you could make it longer than two pages long.

'Price Check on Film Noir' is about three and a half pages long.  It's probably less than two minutes on the screen because nothing really happens in it.


Phil

ur probably right.  but i filmed it.  it came out to a good 2 minutes