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Bucky (currently 3252 views) |
Don |
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 6:12pm |
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AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16426 Posts Per Day 1.93 |
Bucky by Roger Smith - Short - A young buck leaves the safety of the deep forest on a quest to find an a answer so many animals want to know. 4 pages - doc, format |
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------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
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Higgonaitor |
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 7:14pm |
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Been Around
Location(40.717261, -73.600087) Posts934 Posts Per Day 0.13 |
I actually thought this was really funny. My only comment is "show not tell" (in your description of Bucky, how will the viewers see that he has no sense of direction). Anyway, I love what you did with his voice over, and the ending is funny, although slightly sad.
I think you want to change the font to courier new as well, but thats easy. Good job. |
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James McClung |
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 7:22pm |
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Of The Ancients
LocationWashington, D.C. Posts3293 Posts Per Day 0.48 |
This was a decent read. I thought Bucky was a good character and there were a few funny moments but I think it could have been extended. Also, the font makes the script look ameturish even if the format is in ship shape. I'd suggest you change to Courier or Courier New. |
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Breanne Mattson |
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 7:24pm |
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Old Timer
Posts1347 Posts Per Day 0.20 |
Haha - I’m originally from Kentucky and the hunters counting the minutes until the start of deer season is such a good parody of them. They really are like that. They can hardly wait to get out there and shoot something.
I’m not sure about the ending, though. That was kind of a killjoy.
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Kevan |
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 7:35pm |
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Posts298 Posts Per Day 0.04 |
Hey
This was very good.. And funny.. Dialogue was right on the money, cool..
I know it was only 4 pages but you nailed it in that page count, well done..
Could see this as a cartoon or animation..
Clever little character from an animals perspective and the hunters too, dorks but funny..
Shame about the ending but I guess it was inevitable..
Pretty good one..
I think I know who wrote this and your lame attempt to hide your writing in a word doc and using CAPS don't fool me bucko..
Well done anyways..
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Mr.Z |
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 8:10pm |
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Been Around
LocationBuenos Aires - Argentina Posts743 Posts Per Day 0.11 |
Some good moments... The hunters drooling, haha. The only thing I didn´t like was the author talking at me ("see this" "imagine that"). Somehow it pulls me away from the story.
Besides that, it worked well for a 4 page script written in such short time. Good job. |
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CindyLKeller |
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 8:56pm |
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Old Timer
Posts1467 Posts Per Day 0.20 |
Poor Bambi er I mean Bucky. Good job with all the characters and the dialogue. A nicely rounded little story in only four pages. Yes, good job. Cindy |
| Award winning screenwriter Available screenplays TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
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tomson |
Posted: April 18th, 2006, 10:00pm |
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Guest User
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This was good! The drooling hunters waiting for the clock. The dialogue was good, but no curse words? Hmm.., "If only I could read" very cute. Poor Bucky! I liked this one Roger, even if you killed Bambi! |
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The boy who could fly |
Posted: April 18th, 2006, 11:44pm |
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Old Timer
LocationBritish Columbia, Canada Posts1387 Posts Per Day 0.21 |
this one was cute, I liked Bucky(I always hink of that guy on american idol when I hear that name). I know a few people like ned and Billy bob, they were quite amusing. I loved the ending. good job |
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bert |
Posted: April 19th, 2006, 6:04pm |
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AdministratorBuy the ticket, take the ride
LocationThat's me in the corner Posts4233 Posts Per Day 0.61 |
[Post deleted cuz the author is too lazy to read anybody else's story] |
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Revision History (1 edits) |
bert - April 25th, 2006, 7:50am | | |
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Breanne Mattson |
Posted: April 19th, 2006, 7:17pm |
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Old Timer
Posts1347 Posts Per Day 0.20 |
It was just terrible what happened to Bucky. It was terrible. Tomson is so right about how sad it was that he couldn’t read. I think the author thought that was funny but it was only funny in a warped way. I really felt sorry for him. That was bad enough. But the ending? I just felt terrible for poor Bucky. (sniffle, sniffle)
Bucky, Come back!
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Higgonaitor |
Posted: April 19th, 2006, 7:19pm |
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Been Around
Location(40.717261, -73.600087) Posts934 Posts Per Day 0.13 |
Apparently this has fallen out of Comedy and into Drama! Oh my, that hasn't happened since "The Muppets in Manhatten"! |
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Breanne Mattson |
Posted: April 19th, 2006, 7:56pm |
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Old Timer
Posts1347 Posts Per Day 0.20 |
I just can’t get over what happens at the end of this script! -- it terrible!!!
Buckeeeeeeeeey!! Buckeeeeeeey! I will teach you to read!
I can’t wait to find out who wrote this. Someone has to answer for this!
Buckeeeeey! Noooooooo!
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George Willson |
Posted: April 19th, 2006, 8:13pm |
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Of The Ancients Doctor who? Yes, quite right.
LocationBroken Arrow Posts3591 Posts Per Day 0.51 |
First thing I did: change the font to courier new. Ah, so much easier on the eyes. You get a font burned into your head, you can't escape it. I even have my email set to courier. Anyway...
This was a little on the thin side. The synopsis says Bucky sets out to learn what all the animals want to know, but you never actually say what that is. It seems everyone already knows this and he is left out. You describe Bucky as an unusual looking deer, but you never use this information. He might as well be perfect. He still bit it. Ned was the one to use the trademark line from the theme and yet, he isn't being shot at; he is the one doing the shooting. Bucky comes out implying he is being shot at, and yet no shots for him either.
What was happening at the beginning? That never received an explanation. This whole script feels like half a story and all the answers are in the missing half. There is some potential humor in the hunters, and could have been something to your deformed deer, but nothing was ever milked or exploited to its advantages.
Maybe I just missed the point... |
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greg |
Posted: April 19th, 2006, 11:11pm |
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Old Timer Oh Hi
LocationSan Diego, California Posts1680 Posts Per Day 0.24 |
I'm 50/50 on this one. It felt rushed and left me with too many "huh's?" What was the beginning? What was he trying to find out? And why did you kill him? That really ruined it for me. You probably should have used the extra 11 pages to build off of this.
The good part is that this reminded me of one of the classic Looney Tunes episodes with Elmer hunting Daffy and Bugs. It had the goofy hunters, the odd dear with physical differences(which don't play a part int he story), and some of the dialogue was funny.
So...good job...but work on completing the story. |
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