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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Series  ›  Infected Moderators: bert
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  Author    Infected  (currently 4967 views)
Don
Posted: May 31st, 2006, 8:58pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Infected - Episode One: Outskirts of Hell by Sean Elwood (thedeadwalk2nite) - Series, Horror - The pilot episode focusing on different people, going through their experiences when the zombie infestation started and finding out how it began ó but they run into a horrifying discovery. 26 pages - rtf, format

Infected - Episode Two: Survival Out of Range by Sean Elwood (thedeadwalk2nite) - Series, Horror - Unable to tell the rest of the people in the shelter, Drake and Tucker find out what really caused the zombie infection when they stop at the city hospital. And while still trapped on the bus, Max and Valerie realize something new about the undead that may put them in deeper trouble. 26 pages - rtf, format

Infected - Episode 3: Wrong Move by Sean Elwood (thedeadwalk2nite) - Series, Horror - As Drake, Tucker, and Dawn battle their way through the undead hospital, Valerie and Max have a chance to escape out of the immobile bus, but trouble gets in their way as they run to Valerie's neighborhood, Crystal Mountain. And as if things couldn't get worse, the shelter has some unexpected visitors... 28 pages - rtf, format

Infected - Episode 4: Dead End by Sean Elwood (thedeadwalk2nite) - Series, Horror - Tensions grow between Max and Valerie, creating stress for the both of them, and keeping them from finding her family. Tucker and Dawn are able to make contact with Max, and is planning to get him and Valerie and take them back to the shelter. The only problem: there isn't one. 26 pages - rtf, format

Infected - Episode 5: Out of Reach by Sean Elwood (thedeadwalk2nite) - Series, Horror - The shelter is gone, the army is gone, the city is gone. Valerie's attempt to save her family comes to a hault when all her fears join together and get in her way, putting her and Max in mortal danger. Hannah must cope with the loss of her mother and father with Darren's help as they journey through the city of the undead, attempting to get help from a close city...but unfortunately, the undead got to it first. 25 pages - rtf, format

Infected - Episode 6:  Judgment Day by Sean Elwood (thedeadwalk2nite) - Series, Horror - After a terrible car crash leaving Max unable to get out of the truck, Tucker and Dawn set off to seek help and meet two survivors who seem to know what they're doing. At the same time, Darren finds out that his nightmare is beginning to come true. 27 pages - pdf, format

Infected - Episode 7: Moment of Silence by Sean Elwood (thedeadwalk2nite) - Series, Horror - The dead have gotten out and the U.S. is now infected. It's up to Ian and Tucker to get food from the grocery store and back to the apartment before the undead get there first. And once Darren gets to the school with the others, Ben's asthma attack is the least of their problems.  25 pages - pdf, format



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Revision History (3 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  November 20th, 2006, 1:22pm
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James Fields
Posted: May 31st, 2006, 10:16pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Sean, I have a good ol' review here for you.

Infected Episode 1 was a good read in my point of view. Very fluent dialogue except for the ocassional repreating of somebody saying the exact thing. For example: WE have to get out of here and find my husband and son, we have to get out of here.

This is a good start to your series here. I really enjoyed it and will come back for the next episode which I hope will outmatch this one.

It had some formatting things here and there, but it was good other than that. The plot is strong, your characters are strong, and the suspense is building up nicely.

Good work Sean.

3.5/5


Coming Soon:

I finally found the title for my short.

Acronym- You've been warned...

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TAnthony
Posted: June 1st, 2006, 6:39pm Report to Moderator
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This script is well written and itís an excellent idea for a series. The characters personalities are very different and the read went fast. The last little sequence you did at the end of the scripts was also done well. Good Job.


SPOILERS--


The Good
-I like the opening scene with the vultures eating the cub and stuff. It kind of starts things off in the kind of mood you want it in.
-The different personalities are good, no one acts the same.
-The scene when the zombies board the bus could make for a very thrilling moment, well written.

The Bad
-Max Madwell being so calm is sort of odd. Heís just way too calm, I mean he had to beat his wife.
-Does Valerie have amnesia? Why canít she remember how she got there?
-Physical descriptions arenít given for any of the characters. The assorted personalities are good, but the other descriptions arenít.
-Doesnít water go through more of a purification system?
-When the crazed man, Carl, comes in bloodied and clothes torn I donít think Darren would smile at Hannah. Thereís nothing really amusing about that.

Questions/Comments
-The part where the wolfís blood starts multiplying in the water system, it says close up is that like magnification? I was sort of confused on that.
-We only get one glimpse of Tucker and Drake, the other characters get more screen time. I guess thereís nothing wrong with this just an observation.


Once again this was a great read. The one thing you need to figure out is what can make your script different than all the other zombie scripts, or horror scripts for that matter and movies already out there. The scene with the water being infected reminded me of the Cabin. Donít get me wrong Iím not saying your script is any where near as bad as that movie was. It just kind of reminded me of that. The part with man having to kill his wife reminded me of Dawn of the Dead.  The part where Drake is shooting zombies from a tree reminded me of Night of the Living Dead. Maybe Iím pushing it just a little bit, but it did remind me of it. Great script, just stay far away from movies youíve seen as much as possible.


Good Luck.


"You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home? -- Training Day

All of my scripts on SimplyScripts
http://www.simplyscripts.com/cgi-bin/search.pl?search=Tanthony

Mayhem - Sci-Fi
Loud and Nasty - Action/Thriller
Down and Dirty (Sequel to L&N) - Action/Thriller
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Zombie Sean
Posted: June 1st, 2006, 7:54pm Report to Moderator
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James:

Thanks for reading. I do tend to be repetetive sometimes in survival scripts and I try and cut down on it as much as possible.

TAnthony:

I'm glad you liked it.

For the physical descriptions, I am afraid that I might get into too much detail (like I did on Kill Ride). I'm afraid it will start to turn out like a book with a lot of my descriptions taking up all the pages. Valerie (as we will find out in later episodes) had been knocked out and woke up on the bus and it is urgent for her to find out how she got there while worrying about her family. Filtering, purification, almost the same thing, right (probably very wrong), but no matter what, the virus isn't able to be destroyed or filtered or whatever. I don't remember Darren smiling at Hannah, so I will look back at that later.

CLOSE UP, as you said, does mean magnification, or just a close up on a picture or piece of paper. I wanted this so the audience would know that there had been a virus in the wolf's blood that began to mulitply once it got in the water.

Tucker and Drake are going to be in later episodes. And they weren't shooting zombies from a tree, they were on a roof and were sniping zombies from down below. Did I write tree somewhere? My apologies if I did.

Yeah I have to work with Max's flashback scene. I had a friend read this script before I sent it in (just to see if I needed any work before Don posted it) and she said the same thing.

I am going to brainstorm a few ways that I could make these scripts as far from the movies as I am able to. The virus in the water thing reminded me of the Cabin Fever too, but I'm trying to push it away from that movie. (Between you and me and everyone else who reads this reply, I didn't really like Cabin Fever.)

Thanks for reading it you two and I am starting on Episode 2 this weekend.

Sean


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darthbrion
Posted: June 1st, 2006, 11:15pm Report to Moderator
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Hey cool first episode to your new series!  a couple questions and comments though -

* Like stated before some parts of the first episode were reminiscent of other movies (Cabin Fever & Dawn) but this is only the first episode so you have plenty of time to work some of that stuff out.  Maybe you can do some things with zombies people haven't seen before - show them learning, mayeb have the zombies react only when they can "smell" people. For example if someone is being chased by a zombie and hopes into a car and stays still then the zombie doesn't "smell" them and eventually goes away.  lol I dunno.  

* A few typos here and there - nothing to horrible

* The whole thing with the jeep getting into a crash thus allowing the virus to go into the water supply seemed...I dunno...Forced?  Maybe if you changed it into something simple like a group of zombies attack the folks who work at the water works station.  A victim and or zombie fall into the water and presto!  100% zombie water.

* The fight in the kitchen with Max and his wife - he grabs the pan with the eggs & bacon and clocks her upside the head. then the pan falls to the floor and starts a fire.  The problem?  I've accidently grabbed something off the stove once and it BURNED like hell lol  Mike acts as if it doesn't faze him.

* The people in the shelter should kinda freak out when they start turning off the lights.  I mean there are monsters outside and they want the lights off?

* I seriously think this should and could be an hour show but that's my two cents.

* I look foreword to the next episode man!

Okay I've rambled hope it made some sense.

brion
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Zombie Sean
Posted: June 2nd, 2006, 6:32pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the comments, Brion.

- Yeah I am really trying to think of how I can change the zombies. I have a few things in mind, but I am afraid they might be too close to some movies like Land of the Dead or something.

- Well the water in the thermos is the one that started the zombie infection so it couldn't be possible that a zombie could attack someone with the water before the infection started. I was going to have the Jeep hit a pothole or something, but it would be too close to Return of the Living Dead Part 2.

- Yeah I'm still thinking about the fight in the kitchen with Max and his wife. The pan didn't cause a fire, a washcloth fell onto the stove when he took the pan off and the cloth caught on fire that spread through the kitchen.

- The officer who turns off the lights wants to make sure everyone gets some sleep so they are awake the next day just in case something happens.

- I wanted to go for an hour, but I was afraid I might tell too much of a story and not be able to create a lot of episodes for an actual TV series.

Sean


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shelbyoops
Posted: June 4th, 2006, 11:27pm Report to Moderator
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Sean,

I will give this a read and review. Post up soon.
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Zombie Sean
Posted: July 9th, 2006, 4:50pm Report to Moderator
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Just an update:

I've finished the third episode and I have put a few twists in there that I will also add in the fourth episode. Advice and opinions are appreciated, and I need to catch up on people's scripts since I've been gone for a while. But yeah this was just a tiny update.

Sean


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ALIEN MAN
Posted: July 20th, 2006, 7:28am Report to Moderator
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I just read episode one of infected and it was great, suspensfull. Almost shocking.

"SPOILER"

Why would you kill a pretty little girl in your script?

I'm going to read number 2 right now. I can't wait for the others to come.


Writing an action movie. EVery other script I was making got deleted and my PC crashed. MY action movie will be completed in about two weeks.
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ALIEN MAN
Posted: July 20th, 2006, 7:52am Report to Moderator
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I just read episode 2, better than the first. Good thing they didn't drink that water at the hospital. Now I'm waiting for episode 3 and four. I love this series


Writing an action movie. EVery other script I was making got deleted and my PC crashed. MY action movie will be completed in about two weeks.
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Zombie Sean
Posted: July 21st, 2006, 7:30am Report to Moderator
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Thanks for reading, Alien Man! Episodes 3 and 4 are up. I hope these are better then the first two.

My only problem with four is that I think I made the shelter scene run too fast pace, so my bad if you think the same thing.

Sean "the sadist"


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ALIEN MAN
Posted: July 21st, 2006, 8:31am Report to Moderator
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Just read episode 3, liked it better than two. The shelter seem did seem a little fast paced but it was still a great read. I'll start reading number four later today


Writing an action movie. EVery other script I was making got deleted and my PC crashed. MY action movie will be completed in about two weeks.
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DOM
Posted: July 31st, 2006, 12:09pm Report to Moderator
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I reviewed this like you asked.

-POSSIBLE SPOILERS-

Wow. Just... wow. You know, I'm always obsessed with the 1st episode being the hook to a series. This so was. I'm really looking forward to the next episodes.

There were maybe 1 or 2 spelling mistakes, but that's not really a problem.

I thought there may have been too much gore, even for a horror show.

Also, some people didn't really seem to have a reason to get killed. Like the little girl. There were also some people who should have dies, like the mother. If the bite kills them, why was she fine? And Max's wife? She was bitten by something which must have been in their house. Presumably if she didn't get him, the thing that bit her would have. Just kinda confusing.

Several scenes seemed a little pointless. Like the birds fighting over the dead wolf cub. I understand why the dead wolf was important to the story, but that scene wasn't really. Unless the birds were carrying the infection first. Another scene with no actual point was the two guys shooting the zombie on the rooftop. I can understand why they're there, it's just... you know...

Now, I had absolutely no problem with Scene 1, it just seems that there was no reason that Valerie ended up on the bus. How, man???

That's about it. Good job. I'll read the other eps as soon as I can.
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Zombie Sean
Posted: July 31st, 2006, 10:37pm Report to Moderator
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I'm glad you liked the first episode, TWTG, and I'm able to cut down on the gore, it's just a a habit, though. The reason why I made the girl turn into a zombie in the first place was to alert the audience that there was something in the water. And Max's wife was bitten by something outside of the house (the audience just isn't aware of it).

I had the really short scenes of the birds fighting over the cub and showing the cub go down the river to use as scene changes sort of.

And Drake and Tucker, if you read the next episodes, appear and become main characters.

Valerie ending up on the bus, I was going to have an explination, but then I decided to leave it up to the audience, kind of like how in Dawn of the Dead '04, we don't know how the infection started.

Sean


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DOM
Posted: August 1st, 2006, 7:03am Report to Moderator
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Huh. Now that it makes sense, it does make the script even better.

REALLY good jod.
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