Every one is a winner! by Michel J. Duthin - Short - When a man stops at a shooting gallery, everything could happen. 5 pages - pdf, format

Hey Michel,

Just read your script here and I thought that it had a nice little concept to it. I liked the ending and I thought it was funny when Brian was being chased by the three men. And I also liked it how you described the fat lady as "Buddha".

A few minor spelling errors here and there, but it's no big deal. And your descriptions are very nice and I was able to picture everything in my head.

Sean "the sadist"

hi michel just read this draft!

good stuff!

and excellent ending!

I little cruel the girl asking her dad for a gift!

gave a good meaning to the whole story!

good stuff!

a cool little story you have here!  

A typo here and there but nothing to major.

great (if sad) ending.

A fun quick read!

This was a good read. Nothing really to complain about. Very simple. Man plays game. Man loses game. Man steals toy. Man loses toy. A nice twist at the end as well. The only thing I don't understand is why Brian would leave his daughter alone. While you don't have to establish that she is his daughter, at least make her presence known at the beginning of the script. It's a minute detail though. Not a big deal at all.

Other than that, good job and way to prove that a good story can be written in less than 5 pages. They don't always go over well with me.

Hey thanks you all for your comments. It made me feel good.

Quoted from James McClung The only thing I don't understand is why Brian would leave his daughter alone. While you don't have to establish that she is his daughter, at least make her presence known at the beginning of the script.

I wanted people wonder about Brian's true motivations for stealing the toy.

Quoted from James McClung Other than that, good job and way to prove that a good story can be written in less than 5 pages. They don't always go over well with me.

Thanks again. That's the kind of things I like to hear (lol)

Michdel