Zombie by Daniel Robinson/Michelle Ogborn - Short, Comedy - Darrell doesn't believe in zombies or ghosts and when two teenagers get blamed by Darrell for digging holes in the cemetery, Darrell throws them into his basement and calls the police, not knowing that twenty or so zombies are in his basement. When the police arrive things tend to get zanny. 10 pages - pdf, format

Well I'm glad that I was able to read a script that was suited for me. Now, Dan, I must say, you like writing shorts don't you?

Well, at least this one was more proof read than the last ones I've read. I have a few questions though:

>> When Officer Bryan hears gunshots, wouldn't he be asking Darrell "What is going on down there?" or "Is there something you aren't telling me?" and might even handcuff Darrell for the most part.

>> Your dialogue is still a little weak, but better than the last ones. You've improved.

>> Zombies hate heat? Haha that's a new rule that I'll add to my "Zombie Facts" list. But hey, do whatever the hell you want.

>> You should describe more instead of writing short sentences. Sometimes we want to know what everything looks like for the most part.

I think that is it, and if I missed anything, someone my find out. You have repeated a few things, though, like

"They walk over to the cellar door. They go to open it when they see the zombies.

FRANK
We have to get out of here.

They open the cellar door and the zombies jump on them, the cellar door closes."

Sean "the sadist"

I, oddly liked this.

Sure there were some cringe worthy dialogue here and there and a policeman isn't going to ask a civilian to "go grab a gun from the car" but who cares?  It was a zombie short, not Shakespeare.

Better than a lot of your other stuff dude.

I thought you guys might like this one.

Thanks, I took your advices.

Dan

I just read your script. Nice but problems remain in my head.

Who's Darrell for the two kids? Are they related? Why are they in his house?

How could Darrell grab both the two kids (15 & 14) and lead them to the cellar? He should be very strong.

Michel

Hey Mike,

Darrell is their older friend, He is strong but I guess I forgot to add that. lol

Thanks for the comments.

Dan