Atlantis: Collapse of Perfection by Doug Majchrowicz (dmackbone21) - Drama, Period Epic - The mythical island of Atlantis is the most advanced, cultivated and pompous in the world. They believe that they are the best and under the guidance of Poseidon they start a war with the mighty Athenians. This 'Great War' leads to many complications and cracks within Atleantean society. And this ultimately leads to corruption, unvirtunous and their collapse! 128 pages - pdf, format

First off, I have to say that you have a excellent premise and it seems like an intering read.

The only problem is that the formatting is way off.  From the way it looks, it seems you wrote it properly formatted it and then copy/pasted it, which caused the dialouge and character name margins to be off.  

You're probably not going to get any reads until this is fixed.  Re submit and you should be fine.

Hope this helps,

T.I.N.

Yep that's what happened. I'll heed the advice. Thanks


Doug

Doug, you are a great writer. I was completely immersed in the story. Sadly, I only read to page 7. I will continue more tomorrow.

The dialogue format needs to be fixed. There are huge blocks of paragrahs with powerful imagery but crosses the 4 line boundary.

This applies to the amount of dialgoue you have as well except for the 4 line rule; just try to keep them short. (I loved the dialogue, by the way).

The camer angles did not bother me as much but many here might advise you not to use them within the script.

The beginning needs to be fixed since I felt a tiny bit confused in understand ing it that's all.

Other than that, I loved everything about it till page 7. Just shorten the paragraphs and dialogue, and I believe it's good. I appoligze for not reading further but I will continue tomorrow.    

You are a fantastic writer and this is a great story. Your dialouge is great and same with your description. Just fix up the formatting.

Ryan