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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Simply BBQ Moderators: bert
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  Author    Simply BBQ  (currently 4699 views)
Don
Posted: August 2nd, 2006, 6:39pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Simply BBQ by Robert Glenn Newcomer - Short, Drama - The SimplyScripts family gathers for a dramatic barbeque that ends...poorly.     A July, 2006 One Week Writing Challenge Entry - pdf, format



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  August 23rd, 2006, 9:57am
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The boy who could fly
Posted: August 2nd, 2006, 6:47pm Report to Moderator
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well I wouldn't call this drama by any means, but you do mention Drama at the end , this was very funny.  The chris/bert stuff I thought was the funniest, well except for Dan robinson, I hurt myself laughing on that one, plus pepi, HAHAHAHAHA.  I guess this fit the theme, but not the genre, but it was still a funny read.



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greg
Posted: August 2nd, 2006, 6:50pm Report to Moderator
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Oh Hi

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This was pretty good.  One of the more compact stories of the SS spoofs

*It's funny that Helio is perceived so similarly in all of these scripts.  Sometimes he's a drunk, other times he's running around in pink panties.  I guess that means we all get a kick out of him, eh?
*Obviously the writer is a regular and also very observant seeing as alot of these stuff is recent
*There's not much to complain about.  The drama comes from the satrical comedy.  Really exaggerated, but that's good enough for me.
*You killed my bird.  You can go to hell.

So overall it was a nice start to these exercise.  All of the characters are captured very well(especially Dan, which had me ballin').  I think the whole SS spoof thing is getting played out, which kind of takes away the initial excitement of these types of stories, but it's very well written and had some new stuff in it.  So I say kudos to you!


Be excellent to each other
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Shelton
Posted: August 2nd, 2006, 7:13pm Report to Moderator
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I couldn't resist, had to check this one out first.

Nice story here.  Not a DRAMA drama, but it had enough stuff in there.  I really hope that some of the newer "spoofs" get to looking at this, since maybe it will help things sink in a little.

Nice job, and you're definitely a regular.


Shelton's IMDb Profile

"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper." - Steve Martin
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marshallamps12
Posted: August 2nd, 2006, 7:34pm Report to Moderator
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Wow, this was really good. Nice in-jokes and it was pretty funny. Not very dramatic, but the fact that the characters mention the drama throughout had me chuckle a bit. I thought the part where the events go in reverse was clever. The whole thing was really good. Good work, sir or ma'am.
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tomson
Posted: August 2nd, 2006, 8:01pm Report to Moderator
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Now, this was Simply Hilarious.

I loved it of course. Excellent job on capturing peoples message board personas.

Yes, I would have suggested something bigger, but only because ice tends to melt away.

�SimplyScripters mingle and chat. Some carry a beer. Some
carry a beer in each hand. Some carry a beer in each hand
and have several more stuffed into each pocket.�
I loved that part!

I loved the potato salad part. So true to Dan, but also because someone actually brought a ten pound bag of potatoes to a dinner I hosted once.

The Balt joke was bad!!! Haha

This was really, really great.

I did type in Al Nevatel to Google and it took me to a cell phone company and call center! Interesting.



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Breanne Mattson
Posted: August 2nd, 2006, 8:19pm Report to Moderator
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This was cute. Actually, it made me want to have a barbeque with you guys. Now I wish we could have a get together.


Quoted from tomson
Yes, I would have suggested something bigger, but only because ice tends to melt away.


Pia, I’m not going to touch that one -- hahaha!

Instead of Chris telling Dan his chicken movie is going to suck, he should say it’s going to cluck -- har har -- get it? -- cluck.

Anyway, this was funny. Maybe out of place for the criteria but who cares? It was funny. I actually found myself wanting to read Dan’s dialogue for once.



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Mr.Ripley
Posted: August 2nd, 2006, 8:52pm Report to Moderator
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Funny. I really enjoyed reading this. I enjoyed the writing, dialgoue, everything flowed well. Now I haven't been a member for a long time to know anyone here, but the personas presented in this short was hilarious. Great job.  


Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
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James McClung
Posted: August 2nd, 2006, 9:23pm Report to Moderator
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This was excellent! Some really great gags here. I loved how people's opinions, behavior, and overall personalities were integrated into the proceedings at the BBQ without making direct references to scripts or the site itself. For example, Dan and his "potato salad." That was one bit I particularly enjoyed. I think the Balt reference may have been my favorite.

Unfortunately, within the guidelines of the challenge, I don't think it worked. But somehow, I feel this was meant to go against the grain, especially considering the presence of the zombie pig, and in that context, I think the script worked. And to be fair, as many already know, Simply Scripts can definitely feel like a drama in and of itself from time to time.

All in all, good job, whoever you are. Not a drama but an entertaining script.


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Nixon
Posted: August 2nd, 2006, 9:58pm Report to Moderator
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I'm almost a hundred-percent sure a moderator is responsible for this one, just not sure which one. Anyway, this one was hilarious and the fact that it wasn't a drama didn't really bother me that much. Several laugh out loud moments. Well done.

-Zavier


Though earth and man are gone, I thought the cube would last forever.
I WAS WRONG.
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Parker
Posted: August 3rd, 2006, 5:25am Report to Moderator
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Aw man! That was brilliant. Of course it's not much of a drama blah blah blah... I still found it hilarious. I couldn't stop smiling throughout and there were a load of laugh-out-loud moments. As most have already said, the Dan parts were freakin' funny. I was almost crying with laughter at one point.

All I can say is simply brilliant. The ending was a nice touch too. I could guess who wrote this but I'd probably get it wrong... though whoever did, nice job!

P.S... I was so happy to see that I was invited to the BBQ!


I may be an idiot, but I'm no idiot.
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CindyLKeller
Posted: August 3rd, 2006, 7:59am Report to Moderator
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I love these simply member scripts. They're always such fun to read.
Even though this one WAS a bar-be-que, not AFTER a bar-be-que, it was a really neat read. Loved the pig! That was cool.

Good job,

Cindy


Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
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Helio
Posted: August 3rd, 2006, 9:14am Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Humm...I'm not sure but there lot different genres in it. Horror, comedy, Sci-fiction, terror, National Geography and drama of course.

I have just one thing to say about a character named Helio: better impossible!

Well done Al Nevatel!
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Mr.Z
Posted: August 3rd, 2006, 9:51am Report to Moderator
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Haha! Didn't laugh like this since I read Simply Noir. I wonder if the same writing team is behind this. It definetly has a Bertish feel, this script. If Bert wasn't involved, someone who knows how to imitate his use of the hyphens was.

I'm not surprised by the amount of reads this one is getting. Just by glancing at the title you can tell it's the most "comercial" of the bunch.

I started writing down my favourites moments but then I gave up, since there were so many.

Good job.  



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Jonathan Terry
Posted: August 3rd, 2006, 10:03am Report to Moderator
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Haha, this was awesome -- who ever wrote this.  You did a great job of representing everyone, even poking fun at Don and the Mod's little quirks.

And I loved how the word "drama" was used in some form or fashion atleast 20 times, just to insure that it stayed within the category.  

Grea Job!


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