Stereotypes by Helio J Corderio - Short - Stereotypes are serious matter and have to be discussed. 1 page - pdf, format

Hey, Helio, I really didn't understand what was happening in here (besides people talking about racial remarks comring from stereotypes or something) but knowing you, it probably has to do with something very weird or demented or whatever.

Anyways, since this is one page, maybe you could build up on it or something, see what you come out with.

Sean

Wow when they said short....It was short.

What can you say about one page?  

I didn't like it man.  I saw no point in it and it seemed like a deleted scene from another story maybe.

lol I dunno ... A sure fire "WTF" kinda story.

???

Didn't get this one at all. Were this more than one page long, I might have said it was close to borderline social commentary but as is, it seems like people talking about stereotypes without making any clear points or solid arguments. I'd suggest you expand this into something bigger but this doesn't seem to be the basis for any story whatsoever. It hardly passes for a scene as is.

Sorry buddy. I didn't like this one at all. No worries though. I still like your stuff. Better luck next time...

This was an interesting nugget of irony.

I don't understand how the others didn't get it.  Not every story has to be an epic.


Phil

I got it. It feels more than a quick joke told in script format than a story, though. That's why I didn't like it very much.

In my opinion, the concept has not enough legs to write a script around it, even a short; the page count might be taken as an indicator of this.

But I wouldn't bust you about the execution. I think this page conveys the point you wanted to make. In fact, it reminds me of a joke I heard long ago:

Guy on phone: Hi. Is this the Ministry of Education?
Voice: Yeah. What the fuck do you want?

Hey Helio,

This is a little on the short side, and a little lacking in story. It almost feels like this might be the beginning of series of sketches dealing with stereotypes. It seems a bit underdeveloped in its current state. Maybe you should put together a few of these micro shorts in an anthology tied together with a common theme.

Irony. Short script, short comment.

Funny paradoxal story. It feels more than a joke than anything. However, I wish it could be longer.

Anyway, mon ami, I liked it.

Michel

liked it!

was more of a short joke.

I have absolutely no idea why the hell you wrote this script.

I did not like it at all. There was just absolutely no point to it at all.


Cheers, Chism.

This was like a tiny little scetch or like someone already said, a deleted scene from a film... a good one though. One page, you can't not read a one page.

Sadly, it's not the best one pager I've read... I've only read 2 but the other was just a long piece of great description writing. This was still good, however. Nice one Helio.

I can eat bite size pizza and still love the taste, no matter how big it is. Problem with this 1 page pizza is that it tastes rancid. This analogy has fallen at the first hurdle.

If a story is one page, it better be a damn good one page. Insightful, moving, funny....something. This is nothing. Maybe it would make sense if it was written better, but it's not.

I liked Mr.Z's joke better, and that was a short 2 lines and wasted about 79% less of my time.

Helio,

Social commentary’s always good and you managed to speak from both sides in just one page.

You call them African-Americans, but in the following dialogue you use the word Mum. That’s British, not American.

What you have here is Blacks (yes, it’s still okay to call them that) complaining about the racist white man, therefore contradicting themselves as racists too. This of course goes on all the time, but it can not be put in reverse roles, because then you are seen as a racist………..

JOE
Yeah. What those mother fuckers
know about the fucking black
people, huh?

I'll read your other one tomorrow

Yea Helio -- I  got it. It was a statement of ethic proportion. Ha Ha!

Hey, buddy, you could really tighten up your writing. Here is an example. In the very first opening description you tell us we are in a poor neighborhood. Notice just above that in the setting... EXT. POOR NEIGHBORHOOD.  To much. Go  back and try to slim your descriptions. As a matter of fact... this ultra short could have had one solid scene description then all dialogue.

Make it zing.  I'm back and I'll take a look at the material you sent me a few weeks ago.

Spencer "For Hire" McDonald