Hostile by Lee Thongkham (ice) - Short, Thriller - James now realize cheating on his wife is a big mistake of his life. 21 pages - pdf, format

Hi Lee, so...I like your script, but I confess that I knew what was happening before I reach page 10.

About format I have to say that you have to forget the caps on the characters names. Do this just in the first time they appear. Avoid "we see this" or "we see that". Another thing was about the blind fold. You had to mention when you described James for the first time. And finaly, who is Rachel, on the end of page 12?

Bay the way,  transform this script into PDF or Word doc. in order the people here can read it. Most of them can't because it is in FinalDraft.

good job

Hi there, Thank you very much for reading my First Script, I'm kind of new to this scriptwritting process. As English being my second language I'm learning as I write also. So you ask about Rachel, yes that was an accident. Rachel is the other character from my next script. I'm ashly writting two script at the same time(I know, I should quit doing that), so I get mess up by witch script is what.


So thank you again for the help on my correction, as I said, I learn as I write.

Many thanks.

Okay, but remember to transform your next script into other than FD. PDF, Rich Text will be nice.

I’m also a no English first language and don’t be ashamed to ask everyone to help you with your English. So, polish your work before send it, because the SS members, most them, are so exigent with this matter.

Good luck and welcome on board.

BTW, Lee, I’m forgetting, read other scripts in order to be reading.

The script was pretty good you just have to check on your grammar good luck in the future

Lee
Like Helio, I too, knew what was happening before I reached page 10.

That said, I still think the script/story was good (barring gramatical errors) and from the production end of it, it would be very easy to shoot on a low budget.

That also being said,   If you would like to make some minor script changes to mask the fact that you can easily figure out the "Plot"  (opening scene a burglery?)
I would like to shoot this short.

Let me know if you would like to work together.
Thanks
Chris Johnston
cj@oceanwind.com

Lee,

Like me your a first timer. Your script is laid out very well, although like the others I knew what was going to happen before I got to the end.

for your first script its very good and with English not being you first language I think you should be proud of what you produced.

As helio said read the scripts aswell, it will help you with your writing. Well done.

Owen.





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I like your script Lee! Keep writing! and like Helio said; read other people's scripts to get more people to read yours (read mine) lol