Cliff Divers by Spencer McDonald - Short - Two wild teens live like they are immortal until mortality catches up with them at a steep cliff. But that is just the beginning… 6 pages - rtf, format

Hey Mc, I don't man, but this seemed to me like a unfinished story. Something in the midle was missing. I was reliefed when I saw these guys didn't went to a school!

Maybe we have to mix our scripts together, Mc. Instead of the car in my General Incredulity falls on the boy fishing, come to change it for the car of  with that nuts Max. Therefore nobody will blame me to smash the poor boy fishing anymore!

I gave this script a read, and it was just painful to read.

The script has absolutely no story and it makes no sense. These guys seem to justg be messing around, having fun and then one of them pulls out a gun! What the hell was that?? Then for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON, this other guy shows up and Mark shoots him! Then they decide to steal his car, WITH HIS DEAD BODY IN THE TRUNK, and Max shoots himself when he sees the cliff edge! A better ending would be if Max stopped the car and it just dangled over the edge.

Seriously, you need to think this one through.

Thanks for the read guys. This was suppose to be an experiment. The experiment was that I put forth the script I have and others decide where and how it  goes from here. As for just pulling out a guy and **BAM** shooting the guy at the river bank for no reason, well, I think you missed the set up. This dude was in one of those cars that the teens zoomed past in the intersection. He was pissed that he almost killed them as they travelled wrecklessly through the intersection. Sometimes you have to assume some action or reasoning. If you think there could be more, than please add to the story. It was written with the intention of becoming a living thing.

Again, thanks for the read.

Spencer

Wow! This was definitely a crazy script. It's not exactly what happens in it. There've been plenty of movies with car chases and shootouts. The thing that made this stand out to me was how quickly it escalated. The impact was strong but at the same time, it didn't make narrative sense. At the beginning of the script, it's obvious these guys are pretty reckless but I didn't expect the one to start randomly shooting people. The cliff dive was even more reckless and I can't comprehend why anyone would blow their brains out while they're in midair, approaching an equally quick, albeit more explosive, death. I just thought the characters continuously crossed the boundries of what they seemed to be capable of at the beginning of the script.

In short, this script certainly had more than just one punch but if you were to sit down and really analyze the thing, there'd probably be a few things that just don't seem right.

Thanks James. I agree with your comments. Could have been flushed out better. This script was suppose to be a simple nucleous so I could improve some of my writing. Lately, I have been in a funk and need to fight through it to better days. I did want a sensational reckless opening... and well... after that it just seemed to get really stupid really fast.

Again, thanks.

Spencer "For Hire" McDonald

Sorry Spence, but this time I don't buy it. You're zillions miles away from your last short.
What's the point of this story? What were you trying to say?
We don't care for those two kids. It's not badly written (as usual) but I didn't like the story. Sorry. The gun is falling from anywhere. How could kids could have a gun? And the "Thelma and Louise" ending is quite weird.

You'll do better next time.

Michel

Thanks Michel. I'll do better, so keep reading.

Spencer "For Hire" McDonald