Bulletproof by Steve Meredith - Short, Drama - Devin carries out a school shooting with the help of some of his friends.  The one person brave enough to confront Devin is a fellow classmate named Kyle.  Kyle soon learns that sometimes the only way to fight fire...is with fire. 10 pages - doc, format

You chose a pretty daunting subject to write about. This certainly was very dramatic and the dialogue was solid, where was jason in the flash back, he sort just diappeared.

I think the cut in the story was unnecessary, play it all out in normal time because really, Tyler doesnt have any sympathy coming his way.

Yeah it was a strong piece. It is an atual subject very vivid on lot of people mind. It shows how life is so simple and death seems to be a banality.

I like this a lot and I think it well formated can get picked up by a new director, like Pedro Chaves for example or anybodyelse. So Steve, get out and sit down on your table and start rewrite it fast!

Just in time, take off the camera directions from it to allow the director to do what his is prepared to do that is DIRECT!

I REALLY enjoyed this as well. As a director I could visualize the entire film playing out but when it ended I couldn't help but to feel like it was pointless. What's the message? What do you want the reader to leave with?

Wow that was really good though I wish it could've been longer.  I didn't want to stop reading.  That was truly excellent dialogue in there and the fact that it had people get shot so simply really shocked me.  I agree that as a student director, I could definately see the whole movie happening.  The beginning definately reminded me of Resevoir (spelled wrong) Dogs.  The only thing I don't understand is what part Jason, Jack, and Ian had in the shooting.  Was Jason just in the van that Tyler was brought to?  Also I don't see why Kyle didn't shoot Devin before Devin cocked his second gun?  Because he had the guts to shoot Tyler, but not Devin.  

Anyway I thought this was amazing overall.

Hmmmm...

I like the topic on this one.  I'm sure alot of people won't, claiming that it's too offensive But it does--at least potentially--touch on alot of good issues about school bullying, and violent reactions to it (similiar to Columbine, etc, etc.)  And yes, there's been plenty of scripts written and produced about the cruelty of high school, but not many of them are much more than cliche (with maybe the exception of Carrie, which really does sucker punch you in the emotions and feel genuine.)

A few thoughts, and SPOILERS:

1) A little too much reliance on the word F*CK.  Okay, I admit that its used alot in high school.  And I'm not being prissy - I use it myself quite a bit.  But it does get a little repetitious in the dialogue here, at least for my tastes.

2) End of first scene.  I like how the garage door cuts off Tyler's last words.  It seemed really effective and *final*.  One thing, however.  You start with the aftermath, then go to the flashback of what happened at the school...but you never come back to present day.  That just left me hanging, wondering...okay, now what?

3) Devin's "Bulletproof" dialogue reads a little too pedantic.  I don't think that teenager in the middle of a gun-crisis situation would be so eloquent about his reasons.  (I don't think a teenager would be that eloquent about that kind of emotional issues, even on an everyday basis.)  Maybe a more give and take type dialogue would be effective, such as:

DEVIN: 'Cause I'm not bulletproof, Kyle, that's what
KYLE: What the f*ck are you talking about...?
DEVIN: Getting the shit kicked out of me in touch football, that's what...getting faggot written on my locker every F*ckin day, that's what, Kyle...!

I think that might give it a better flow.  I'd love to see Devin actually make his point, so that you have *some* sympathy for him, despite the fact that he's stepped REAL far over the line.

4) I'd like to see the "calling out other students" bit go on a little longer - that's got promise.  Okay, we know what bad things were written about Sara.  How about some of the other students?  (I do doubt that Devin would admit that Sara--a girl--is stronger than he is emotionally, though...)

5) Maybe a little more interaction/motivation from the other guys, why are Tyler, Jack, Ian and Jason involved?

Otherwise, I really like where this is going.  It could be a great character study type piece, exploring the actual reasons and emotions behind school violence.