Marshmallows by Alex Cooper (ape) - Short - A world that revolved around marshmallows would be a strange. This Pyschadelic tale tells of this. 12 pages - pdf, format

Ape,

I thought this script was simply amazing. There were plenty of jokes to keep the comedy factor up and it was short enough to be called a short. The strange, psychadelid weirdness of this world of marshmellow obsessiveness came across very, very strong. This is what, you're third of fourth short on the site and they just keep getting better and better.

Keep up with the good work and I can't wait to see what comes out of that brain of yours next.


Cheers, Chism.

I'll never look at marshmellows in the same way ever again. lol

Great short, funny dialouge and enough weirdness to make the ready go ~ "Whoa!"

Good stuff  

Hey Alex, this is for reviewing Vibration.

Very trippy indeed, as your logline says.

1) You have lot's of odd dialogue in the script, or is this how people speak in Australia? I would have no idea, but I think this adds some more humor into this.

2) A couple spelling errors, no huge deal. Just pointing it out.

I'm not sure what you were going for with your short here. It was a very entertaining script, but it was so fast paced. I think that is one thing you need to work on, pacing... I thought other than that this was a great idea.

I'd love to see a feature on this subject. Hehe. Good work, but not as good as Footloose, Cutloose... : (

Sorry, but it was still a good read.

-Bo

Cheers Chism, Brion and Bojangles.

Im glad i got the trippyness across as it was my main goal.

Haha Bojangles, no my dialogue wasnt influenced by the Aussie language but instead by America and England. Henry and Wally were my Southerners, but since i dont know much of thier mannerism it turned out to be a incomplete strange dialogue.
Mr Pecklebee was British ninny, but again i dont know all the slang and such so once again it was stange.
The priest was my favorite person with dialogue because i just tried to add in any religious phrases i could think of.

Thanks again for reading Marshmallows, I'll try even harder next time to erupt the creativity volcanoe.

Funny script ape, yea quie weird. I enjoyed it.

You have alot of spelling error, needing comas, questions marks where u at !. But all minor things, simply look over for correction.

Also You only need to Capitalize chracters name ON on 1st intro.

Good one!

Quoted from JD_OK Also You only need to Capitalize chracters name ON on 1st intro.

I'm still a little clueless on some of the script writing ways, thanks for the help.

Cheers for reading the script JD, i'm glad you enjoyed it.

Umm . . . Still scratching my head. I'm not sure what to make of this. Very odd. The dialouge is good and it is well written but other than that I don't get it. Worth reading it for the Priest going to the dirty toilet. that was neat.

Tell me, is it clean?

Yes?

Then child move.

There is nothing more funny than a priest who is in a hurry to drop a full load. Gold.

But like I said your writing and format is good as this short demostrates.  Plot and story structure is kind of a no issue and waste of time critqing cause only so much you can do with 11 pages.

maybe cause I am more of a Chocolate Sultana freak.

But one thing is certain you display some very kooky and imaginative original ideas and can't wait to see you let lose with your imagination oddities on a much larger canvas of a feature length script.

Hi alex

This is my first post and I happened apon your short. Sounds pretty much like a recurring nightmare of mine. The theme reminds me of phillip k dick, especially when the protagonist finds out her true identity. It was enjoyable and easy to read. The format is correct, though I feel the first JUNGLE FLOOR scene can be split up a little, every time there's a change of location. I can see the short working visually and I recon it will end up much more trippier than it reads on paper.  

Yep this is one of my shorts with 'lack of plot'. Don't know why i did it. With shorts i can work on momentary inspiration but features are such big commitments. I just have to keep plowing on through.