school kids and their guns (sighs) * SPOILERS * * This was written very much like a shooting script, with all your credits, angles and such. I've alway sheard that unless you actually plan on shooting this yourself then you leave out the camera angle stuff. * You use a lot of "we see" & "you see" during your story, another no-no from what I've been told. * Something that really stood out to me was at the very first of the script when the two guys where in the car. You had them talking to each other - Example DAN (To Casey) Let me ask you something. (pause) Why do we do this?
CASEY (To Dan) I’ve got a better question. Can you think of anything better to do after school than inflicting pain on unsuspecting people who are too busy with themselves to notice what’s going on right in front of their own face?
You should leave out the (to whoever) things cause really...Who else would they be talking to but each other? * I liked the whole running joke of nerd clubs with lightsabers Overall a decent story but it still needs some work in my humble opinion |