Mother's Milk by A Member - Short, Horror - A mother nursing her new baby is one of the most natural and beautiful acts in nature, their bond grows strong and  lasts a lifetime. That is, unless the baby doesn't want to… 15 pages     A October '06 One Week Challenge entry - pdf, format

I liked this was.  It was a cross between the omen and Rosemary's baby.

I thought the story worked quite well, this is probably the best I have read so far, it has some really creepy moments in it.

The theme and Genre were used very well together and that was nice to see here.

Anyways great job whoever you are

Wow. Nudity and a psychotic baby, all the ingredients to a good horror.

This was a great script and probably the scariest i've read yet.

This will be one of my favorites.

This was pretty good.

SPOILERS MAYBE...

Everything was described brilliantly. I couldn't complain anything on the formatting, grammar or spelling that I can remember.

The story was pretty twisted and weird. Babies will now freak me out for the rest of my life and I thank this script for that! Still, everything was well and fine, the dialogue was pretty solid excluding a few things nearer the end but a couple of things let this one down for me. Tom, at the end, didn't seem like he cared too much for Hanna's death... I didn't feel any emotion going on anywhere with him to be honest. That was a let down but the main one has to be how things ended. There was no reason to why Benny was doing this to his mother. After I read it I was like... so why was this happening? Was she delusional...? Was the baby possessed...? I didn't see an explanation anyway...

Quite a good execution of the genre and subject. Overall, scary and twisted but no explanation let this one down for me.

Jamie

Sticking to genre and theme might have not been a great deal in past OWE’s, but I think it is in this one. “Milk” is not scary nor interesting, yet this author managed to build a quite decent horror short around this theme.

Judging by the author’s knowledge about nursing, I’d say this was written by one of the girls. Maybe Pia? I don’t know, I suck at guessing, but whoever you are… good job.

The first pages are a bit “slow”. I wonder if this couple’s relationship could have used a little more conflict. Everything’s perfect between them when the story starts… and there’s something curiously boring in somebody else’s happiness. Yet, after Hanna’s first “incident” with the baby, conflict appears in her relationship with her husband. I would have like this short better if said incident was used to escalate the conflict between them rather than introduce it.

Writing style was very good, visual and vivid; this was a nice read. Though it shocked me that the author described Tom as “smart”, something the camera can’t record. This author’s writing style feels so above the level hinted by that “mistake” that I have to wonder if it was made intentionally by an old timer in order to disorient readers about his/her identity.

Overall, this piece was a surprise to me, a good one. I guess I felt that reading a good horror short about “milk” wasn’t possible, yet the first entry I read proved me wrong. Time for me to check some others, thanks for the good read.

Oooh freaky. I don't like babies becoming stronger than the average human. You really described the drowning scene well, I felt a bit of suffocation myself, but that was because I was really, really into this script. It did remind me of the Omen as Jorda has stated, and that made it well, since the Omen gave me the heebie jeebies.

Except there were some parts where it was a little too much like The Omen, such as the wife explaining to the husband that there is something wrong with their child, and then having the child try and kill their mother. But this was a sickening horror that I insanely enjoyed. I wonder who wrote this...?

Sean

Superb entry.  I am losing track, but this is surely amongst the best.  Comparisons to Omen and Rosemary's Baby are fair -- but does anybody else remember "It's Alive" -- a cheese-fest from days gone by?  For some reason, that is the film that come to me unbidden while reading this.  

This one reads slow sometimes, sure -- but those dryer patches eventually lend themselves to the realism one finds in this piece -- a strength I have found in very few of the other entries.

Hannah and Tom are characters that we come to know through realistic dialogue and mundane situations from their everyday -- so when the terror arrives -- the "dangling" baby -- an exquisite dream sequence -- a shocking finale -- it hits the reader that much harder.

This is the first one to earn five stars from me, anyway.

This one was genuinely creepy.  The description of the baby hanging from her breast and tearing at it like an animal might possibly be one of the best I've ever read.  Such a good comparison...I could see it clearly (although it's not pleasant to imagine).

Just to give the writer a heads up, I noticed two typos in Tom's dialogue.  On page 8 there's a "too" instead of "to", and on p14 there's "new" instead of "knew".

Great job

Like others have stated this is very well written; it felt professional and yeah - a woman probably wrote this, or possibly a pediatrician, a first-time father maybe...  

I didn't find it slow and boring at all.  Those down moments were actually my favorite parts.  In fact I wish you had downplayed some of those more tense scenes in the script just a little.  In particular I think having the baby's eyes turn black felt a little too hammy.  It might read well on paper but if I were a director I'd go for something more subtle.  Just the simple act of having the camera slowly pan in on the baby's face can be effective on it's own.

Oh boy.
wow...this was really good.
The breast feeding scene when he won't let go and she finally punches him in the face. yeah, that was pretty messed up. lol. This reminded me of all the other "evil child" movies. I think you even have a reference to The Omen with Hanna's last name being "Baylock" Great job on this. That kid was freaky. Personally, I would've thrown him out a window. Lol. This could come off as comedic to some (especially the breast feeding scene) but i thought it was disturbing. Great Job.

-Shawn

Mrs. Baylock? Hmmm...somebody's influenced by the Omen. Aside from Rosemary's Baby, It's Alive!, and little Gage from Pet Semetary.

I liked this one though. This is like a horror geeks kinda script as it combines all those different elements together with a lot of dark humor as well. A lot of parts made me laugh at the creepiness that I pictured in my head. Particularly him calling her a b**** and poking her as he's reciting the poem. So, all in all it was a good read.

Well written, but I hated the subject matter. I think it was a mistake to use the name Baylock. Right away that heralds "The Omen". Maybe that was your intention, but it hurts the originality factor.

****SPOILERS****

Now this is horror. This one had some genuine chills. It’s very well written. The story is a grabber. The ending was maybe a little bit disappointing because there were so many questions left unanswered. But the good thing is that people will definitely want to know the answers.

Distended breast wall? This is like having the author’s name on it -- haha!

Ouch! I feel sorry for the new mother who sees this movie. I would be horrified if I was just starting to breast feed and saw this film.

Props for showing a baby breast feed. I’m so sick and tired of the way society acts like there’s something wrong with it. Like it needs to be kept a secret or something. It’s so immature. So good for you.

Namby-pamby stuff:

P4 - stare - stares

P13 - He’s eyes - His eyes

It’s got some unanswered questions but for a short of this quality, they’re overlookable. If this was a feature length film, it’s the type of movie that no one would forget. So very well done. Definitely my pick of the litter so far.

Brea

This is the top rated script in the contest and I can see why!

This is very disturbing, which I suppose is the point!

Good job working around the theme.

My only question, how does this baby hang onto a breast for dear life without teeth?  That's some kind of suction!

Hey.

Scariest one I've read yet, and I've read most of them.

You had me completely enthralled in the script, the scariest scene for me seemed to be when  (I already forgot her name) the mom couldn't get ben off her, and he was making like he was ripping her apart, I was on the edge of my seat.

You should definetely get rid of the camera in the last line, where you say that ben looks at the camera, instead just say that he grins wickedly and his eyes are black.  

I think you should keep the poem, but I'm not sure i really liked Ben saying it, even though she's his mommy.  Perhaps have some nurses aying it, and have Benny calling her a b****.  Or make sure you tell us how beenies voice sounds.  Whatever you choose to do, I think that you should focus on that scene a little more.

Extremely well done.

-Tyler