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Trip to Zoo, A by Anthony Hudson - Short, Comedy - All Pete wants to do is buy some train tickets and win his bet. How hard can it be, well it depends on the rules. 15 pages - pdf, format
This is something I wrote as an exercise, and as a break when I got a bit of writers block while working on my first feature. I hope you can work out the concept of this story, and what the bet involves. lol.
Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.
I just finished reading your short. It's very visual. Good dialogue.
SPOILERS
Okay, I read this twice. What I got out of it was two guys had a bet about using credit cards and something about the letter "Z". Two of the cards didn't work, but one card did. I'm not sure why. I don't use credit cards, so maybe that's why I didn't get it. It was still a good little short. You might want to check your page numbers though. They're off. I found a type o on page 6 where he said he was charged too much. You had "to".
Cindy
Award winning screenwriter Available screenplays TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
Hey Cindy thanks for the review. The problem I had with the page numbers was when I created my script to pdf from finaldraft it wouldn't include the title page so I had to just add it as page 1.
SPOILER!!
A couple of people have read this short and haven't picked up on the bet thing, maybe its just not clear enough, I might need to work on it. The clue is the dialogue of Pete and also the title, which purposely leaves out the word 'the'. Meaning its a trip to the word zoo and not an actual place. its all too confusing I think. Anyway if you check out Pete's dialogue from when he approaches the ticket booth (hint check out the opening words each time he speaks).
Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.
Award winning screenwriter Available screenplays TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
Lol. Didn't want to spell it out but I will, your not the only one who didn't pick up on it. Like I said though it was just a challenge I set myself to see if I could do it and still have a readable scrit, so I guess I achieved it. Anyway....
SPOILER!!!
The bet is when Pete approaches the ticket booth he has to start his dialogue with a word that begins with the letter A, then his next begins with B and so on until he reaches Z.
Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.
alffy, Well, I'm glad you did. I never would have gotten that. Pretty neat.
Cindy
Award winning screenwriter Available screenplays TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama