SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 19th, 2024, 6:42am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  A Trip to Zoo Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 12 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2, 3 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    A Trip to Zoo  (currently 4218 views)
Don
Posted: November 21st, 2006, 4:42pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16369
Posts Per Day
1.94
Trip to Zoo, A by Anthony Hudson - Short, Comedy - All Pete wants to do is buy some train tickets and win his bet. How hard can it be, well it depends on the rules. 15 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (3 edits; 1 reasons shown)
bert  -  February 9th, 2007, 5:40pm
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
alffy
Posted: November 22nd, 2006, 3:19pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
The bleak North East, England
Posts
2187
Posts Per Day
0.34
This is something I wrote as an exercise, and as a break when I got a bit of writers block while working on my first feature.  
I hope you can work out the concept of this story, and what the bet involves. lol.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 41
CindyLKeller
Posted: November 25th, 2006, 8:13am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1467
Posts Per Day
0.20
Hey Anthony,

I just finished reading your short. It's very visual. Good dialogue.

SPOILERS




Okay, I read this twice. What I got out of it was two guys had a bet about using credit cards and something about the letter "Z". Two of the cards didn't work, but one card did. I'm not sure why. I don't use credit cards, so maybe that's why I didn't get it.
It was still a good little short. You might want to check your page numbers though. They're off. I found a type o on page 6 where he said he was charged too much. You had "to".

Cindy


Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 41
alffy
Posted: November 25th, 2006, 11:42am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
The bleak North East, England
Posts
2187
Posts Per Day
0.34
Hey Cindy thanks for the review.
The problem I had with the page numbers was when I created my script to pdf from finaldraft it wouldn't include the title page so I had to just add it as page 1.


SPOILER!!

A couple of people have read this short and haven't picked up on the bet thing, maybe its just not clear enough, I might need to work on it.  The clue is the dialogue of Pete and also the title, which purposely leaves out the word 'the'.  Meaning its a trip to the word zoo and not an actual place.  its all too confusing I think.  Anyway if you check out Pete's dialogue from when he approaches the ticket booth (hint check out the opening words each time he speaks).


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 41
CindyLKeller
Posted: November 25th, 2006, 4:25pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1467
Posts Per Day
0.20
Yes, now I am confused. ???


Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 41
alffy
Posted: November 25th, 2006, 4:44pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
The bleak North East, England
Posts
2187
Posts Per Day
0.34
Lol.  Didn't want to spell it out but I will, your not the only one who didn't pick up on it.  Like I said though it was just a challenge I set myself to see if I could do it and still have a readable scrit, so I guess I achieved it.  Anyway....


SPOILER!!!






The bet is when Pete approaches the ticket booth he has to start his dialogue with a word that begins with the letter A, then his next begins with B and so on until he reaches Z.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 41
CindyLKeller
Posted: November 26th, 2006, 8:24am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1467
Posts Per Day
0.20
alffy,
Well, I'm glad you did. I never would have gotten that. Pretty neat.

Cindy


Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 41
aspiringwriter
Posted: November 28th, 2006, 2:46pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
England
Posts
4
Posts Per Day
0.00
cool idea and very well written.

Good Job!
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 7 - 41
alffy
Posted: November 29th, 2006, 1:26pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
The bleak North East, England
Posts
2187
Posts Per Day
0.34
Thanks aspringwriter glad you liked it.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 41
bert
Posted: November 29th, 2006, 1:56pm Report to Moderator
Administrator


Buy the ticket, take the ride

Location
That's me in the corner
Posts
4232
Posts Per Day
0.61
Umm....are you friends with aspiringwriter, Alffy?  Just checking -- because that is fine.

But pretending to be someone else is not.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 9 - 41
alffy
Posted: November 29th, 2006, 2:51pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
The bleak North East, England
Posts
2187
Posts Per Day
0.34
Hey bert

Don't know whether thats an insult or not.  Are you saying my sripts rubbish and no one would give it a good review?

No mate I don't know aspringwriter and it aint me either.

I don't think its an insult by the way, Lol.

just glad someone else gave my short a read even if it is a first timer.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 10 - 41
alffy
Posted: November 29th, 2006, 2:55pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
The bleak North East, England
Posts
2187
Posts Per Day
0.34
Hey bert I appolgise, I just checked the email and discovered its my fiancee who didn't mention to me that she had joined.

Sorry bout that. Lol


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here

Revision History (1 edits)
alffy  -  November 29th, 2006, 4:29pm
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 11 - 41
bert
Posted: November 29th, 2006, 4:31pm Report to Moderator
Administrator


Buy the ticket, take the ride

Location
That's me in the corner
Posts
4232
Posts Per Day
0.61
Well, there you go.  Hey -- I thought that said girlfriend a minute ago...and now it's fiancee....

She must really like your work.


Quoted from alffy
Are you saying my sripts rubbish and no one would give it a good review?


Of course not.  But it's hard to make a question sound "polite" on the internet.

And people set up false accounts to praise their own work more often than you might think.

Needless to say, it is frowned upon.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 12 - 41
aspiringwriter
Posted: November 29th, 2006, 5:17pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
England
Posts
4
Posts Per Day
0.00
It did say girlfriend....but i corrected him...lol

sorry if i caused a misunderstanding!!!!  Was just trying to offer some anonymous support
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 13 - 41
alffy
Posted: January 8th, 2007, 5:22pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
The bleak North East, England
Posts
2187
Posts Per Day
0.34
Thanks for posting the new draft Don.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 14 - 41
 Pages: 1, 2, 3 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006