Kiki and Kisses by Michel J. Duthin - Short - Toni has a date, but she loses her dog Kiki. 6 pages - pdf, format

Hey Michel, this was a strange one but not in a bad way.

I found it rather amusing and did chuckle aloud at some of the dialogue.  I like the way you point out Toni is a red head despite the typical blonde mentality lol.

There was an error in your first slug line I think, 'INT. PARK - DAY'.

I notice this is a running character so I'll have a butchers at the others.

Hello, I readed your short script and it was not bad.

The ending is not very a blow off tho but it get the point across.

Good Job.

Michel

A safe little story you have here. I did not located an antagonist only a couple of hero like characters. It was too safe for me. I was looking for some trouble besides just a lost dog.

In your dialogue you lean on the parenticals way too much. You don't need these. The dialogue you use should share some emotion. Trust the reader to understand the plight of the character and the emotion of the moment.

I will keep reading.

Spencer

This was a quick read and it wasn't bad but i don't know why i didn't find my self enjoying it after she found the dog. I did find everything before that pretty funny. But the ending was disappointing

Hi Shogun,

Thank you for your review. You know it's good to be read. Sometimes it's not that easy.

Quoted from Shogun the ending was disappointing

I must the end is a little weak and I have to re-think about it. I thought the punchline was enough. Guess it's not.

Thanks again

Michel

Hey Mich mon ami!

I read your short script, dude, but I felt so sad about Kiki didn't read any ad, man. Sorry, I thought that avery lost dog ad was in order to the dog reading...Oh my! Hahaha! So, put a little pepper on the end, mon ami, and you will get a nice story.

cheers
Helio

PS I warn you that my reviews are c**p. If you wish, don't take them too seriously! hahah!

Meu amigo,

I'm pretty sure if you had found Toni's dog you would have blackmailed her with very naughty thoughts. Am I right? About the pepper at the end, regarding the kind of stories you're now writing, mine sounds a lot soft. I must admit that some tit would please everyone here as the one Toni showed elsewhere.

Anyway, thank you for your review. ahaha

Michel